Late Night Ramblings of an Asexual.

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This is me sort of coming out. A few other people- including some other Asexuals- know. I am a sexual orientation known as Asexual.

 

Ok, so some people reading this will probably be thinking, “WTF is that?” Or something along the lines of, “Isn’t that a scientific thing where the they reproduce by themselves?”

This for me, is why it’s harder to explain and tell people.

Homosexuals and Bisexuals you know who they are, they are more known and wrongly discriminated against. Asexuals, it’s believed only 1% of the worlds population are so and then there is an argument on whether there is just a problem with the person/their sex drive.

Asexuality is basically, I see it as being opposite of Bisexual, I don’t experience sexual attraction.

Now that doesn’t mean asexuals can’t have a relationship like the other orientations do. Asexuals are not destined to live alone. Ok, some people find it strange I actually like my alone time- I’m a self-confessed Spinster and Hermit I live alone I’m happy being alone, but that’s because it’s awkward explaining to others in a romantic relationship if you want to take this to the next level, there will be a chance I will run screaming. That’s my reaction though, chances are the more calm way of doing it is saying I’m not interested you can either cope with that, I might be willing later on in the relationship or you can leave. Reality, Leave me by myself with a computer and cake, you’ll find me happier than what any man or woman could make me.

Gir Cupcake

 

There is a difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction.

Romantic attraction is more to do with love and attachment, sort of who we are attracted too to date, some Asexuals find themselves more romantically attracted to a specific gender, like sexual orientation, although this case it’s not who we are attracted too to have sex with. There are a few but the more common ones are Aromantic, not being romantically attracted to any gender (I think the definition of this sounds a bit mean, it makes them sound like they might hate everyone, but the aromantics I’ve met are awesome people) Bi-romantic being romantically attracted to both genders. Homo-romantic being attracted to same gender or Hetro-romantic, being romantically attracted to opposite gender. I more relate to the bi-romantic that doesn’t mean I’m bisexual though, it’s more I see males and females the same amount of attractive, it doesn’t mean I will sleep with them

Asexuals can still experience romantic attraction and see people attractive, it gets awkward/slightly funny for me because there are times where I will say something meaning it as a friendly compliment but to another person they will think I’m flirting. There are times where I’ve had to say I’m not a lesbian because of some misunderstanding. I can say, “Oh he looks nice,” but truthfully that will be it, I don’t have any plans to have fantasies or whatever.  Asexuals can still have a normal relationship though, it’s not like we live like nuns, Ok, there are some who will say they won’t have sex or that the act disgusts them. The physical side of the relationship for most people is seen as important so if the relationship is worth is some compromise might be made

For Asexuals, a relationship is just based less on the physical side. It’s not celibacy, we aren’t choosing to abstain from sex, I think for most of us it’s just we don’t see people that way. You can’t really get a heterosexual person to have sex with someone of the same sex. Take BBC’s Sherlock series 2 episode one- A Scandal in Belgravia, Sherlock was faced with an attractive naked woman, he didn’t even seem bothered. It’s a similar case with other Asexuals; if I were faced with a naked person I’d cringe, not be bothered or fall into a fit of giggles finding the whole situation funny. There’d be no sexual, “I want to procreate with you!” Attraction there.

Asexy3It doesn’t mean we really turn our noses up at sex either, todays society you can’t get away from it, if being asexual meant we’d be disgusted at every sexual image or advertisement we’d probably never get out and keep ourselves in rooms. I openly admit (and my sister Natalie will back me up) I tend to read a lot of erotica (Or as we call it here at Well Did You Evah, Kinky Fuckery) and through that I may be Asexual but I have a lot of useless knowledge on BDSM. It’s an interest it doesn’t mean I want to do those things. If you read up on serial killers you aren’t going to go on a murder spree, the only thing you get is more knowledge… and a few laughs.

This may seem like I’ve gone on, coming out, as Asexual might not to some people be as big as coming out as gay, I mean if I want to be honest on most forms on the sexual orientation part, I usually end up putting, “Prefer not to say,” Or have a long debate on if I should put I’m bi or straight, which honestly is fun… not. So, some parts of society don’t even see us as a real thing, people are slowly starting to recognize Sherlock (BBC) and Sheldon (The Big Bang Theory) as being Asexual. There are fingers crossed there might be some more awareness about this.

But this is who I am, this isn’t a phase, I’ve sort of known since I was 16. I wear a black ring around my right middle finger (a sort of symbol in the asexual community) to remind and show it and importantly I’m comfortable with who I am.

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Asexy and you know it

Website commonly known as AVEN-

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

Pride 2013. What’s Pride about?

Well Did You Evah couldn’t get down to London for the event at the weekend, but things like sexuality have a massive effect on all aspects in society. This isn’t a review on London Pride, I’m sure, from what I’ve seen at other Pride events, it was awesome. This blog entry is more to do with the Pride event itself, explaining what it supports.  Pride rainbowflag

So, hands up. Who has seen the negativity towards same sex marriage or even same sex couples? Homosexual couples since, prehistoric times possibly have had negativity towards each other. Yeah the human race has apparently evolved to the state it is now, but there are still people out there who can’t evolve their thought processes to accept the fact that some men and women are attracted to the opposite sex.

Pride events hold an open mind, party sort of thing. Bringing people together of all sexualities LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Transgender) Pride tries to stamp out discrimination, the title itself suggest that these people are/should be proud of who they are, proud of the fact they are different in a society which is often bullied for anyone who tries to be different.

Hetrosexuals- those attracted to the opposite sex, Homosexuals- lesbians and gay people, those attracted to the same sex, Pride BiBisexuals- Those attracted to both sexes (male and female), really everyone is invited, even the lesser known sexual orientations such as Asexuals- Those who are not sexually attracted to any gender, this is not like Celibacy, Asexuals don’t choose not to be interested in sex-

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think such characters as BBC Sherlock and Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, who show no interest in sex, this is not to say they cannot have a relationship, most asexuals identify themselves as been something like hetroromantic= romantically (willing to date) attracted to opposite sex,Biromantic or homoromantic

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Because the thing is, I’m not entirely sure why people discriminate against these people. I’ve met people of all orientations I have listed above and they are all brilliant people, they are happy, most times, with their lives, so why do people want to take that away from them? Most cases, they didn’t chose to be gay or whatever they are. If your hetrosexual, imagine whatever you feel when on a date with the opposite sex, for any orientation, it’s a similar thing only you might be faced getting those feelings, and feeling more comfortable, with someone of the same sex.

I accept that there are arguments against these different sexualities, some people might not understand how these relationships could work, or some people take the side of, “The Word of God.” But in the end, as much as people in society Bi Heterosexual_flagmay wish they could, you can’t change the way people feel, what turns them on, or who they are attracted too. Pride is also an educational event, willing to educate those who are willing to learn  or open their minds to the fact people aren’t the straight black and white. Most cases as well you can walk away from a Pride event with hand full of sweeties.

Pride promotes awareness for homosexuals and Bisexuals fighting against diseases, such as HIV and most importantly is seen as a social event. People get to meet with others have a good time, which is probably the most important thing about Pride. Yay fun! Pride often has a festival atmosphere, throwing in a parade and multiple stages of singers and performers allowing people to chat over drinks and food oh and face painting.

I’m not suggesting start planning to go to your nearest Pride event, If you do plan to go to the next Sheffield (South Yorkshire UK) Pride, be warned for the cues to the toilets, last year they were prettyyy long. If your not willing to have an open mind, I wouldn’t suggest it. If you are wanting to learn more, I may hint at it, I doubt anyone is going to come up with a device that can brainwash those of different sexualities to become the drones that need everything to conform to standards of the human race. So, people should be getting used to Pride promoting the idea that different sexual orientations are going no where!