Late Night Ramblings of an Asexual.

Asexy2

This is me sort of coming out. A few other people- including some other Asexuals- know. I am a sexual orientation known as Asexual.

 

Ok, so some people reading this will probably be thinking, “WTF is that?” Or something along the lines of, “Isn’t that a scientific thing where the they reproduce by themselves?”

This for me, is why it’s harder to explain and tell people.

Homosexuals and Bisexuals you know who they are, they are more known and wrongly discriminated against. Asexuals, it’s believed only 1% of the worlds population are so and then there is an argument on whether there is just a problem with the person/their sex drive.

Asexuality is basically, I see it as being opposite of Bisexual, I don’t experience sexual attraction.

Now that doesn’t mean asexuals can’t have a relationship like the other orientations do. Asexuals are not destined to live alone. Ok, some people find it strange I actually like my alone time- I’m a self-confessed Spinster and Hermit I live alone I’m happy being alone, but that’s because it’s awkward explaining to others in a romantic relationship if you want to take this to the next level, there will be a chance I will run screaming. That’s my reaction though, chances are the more calm way of doing it is saying I’m not interested you can either cope with that, I might be willing later on in the relationship or you can leave. Reality, Leave me by myself with a computer and cake, you’ll find me happier than what any man or woman could make me.

Gir Cupcake

 

There is a difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction.

Romantic attraction is more to do with love and attachment, sort of who we are attracted too to date, some Asexuals find themselves more romantically attracted to a specific gender, like sexual orientation, although this case it’s not who we are attracted too to have sex with. There are a few but the more common ones are Aromantic, not being romantically attracted to any gender (I think the definition of this sounds a bit mean, it makes them sound like they might hate everyone, but the aromantics I’ve met are awesome people) Bi-romantic being romantically attracted to both genders. Homo-romantic being attracted to same gender or Hetro-romantic, being romantically attracted to opposite gender. I more relate to the bi-romantic that doesn’t mean I’m bisexual though, it’s more I see males and females the same amount of attractive, it doesn’t mean I will sleep with them

Asexuals can still experience romantic attraction and see people attractive, it gets awkward/slightly funny for me because there are times where I will say something meaning it as a friendly compliment but to another person they will think I’m flirting. There are times where I’ve had to say I’m not a lesbian because of some misunderstanding. I can say, “Oh he looks nice,” but truthfully that will be it, I don’t have any plans to have fantasies or whatever.  Asexuals can still have a normal relationship though, it’s not like we live like nuns, Ok, there are some who will say they won’t have sex or that the act disgusts them. The physical side of the relationship for most people is seen as important so if the relationship is worth is some compromise might be made

For Asexuals, a relationship is just based less on the physical side. It’s not celibacy, we aren’t choosing to abstain from sex, I think for most of us it’s just we don’t see people that way. You can’t really get a heterosexual person to have sex with someone of the same sex. Take BBC’s Sherlock series 2 episode one- A Scandal in Belgravia, Sherlock was faced with an attractive naked woman, he didn’t even seem bothered. It’s a similar case with other Asexuals; if I were faced with a naked person I’d cringe, not be bothered or fall into a fit of giggles finding the whole situation funny. There’d be no sexual, “I want to procreate with you!” Attraction there.

Asexy3It doesn’t mean we really turn our noses up at sex either, todays society you can’t get away from it, if being asexual meant we’d be disgusted at every sexual image or advertisement we’d probably never get out and keep ourselves in rooms. I openly admit (and my sister Natalie will back me up) I tend to read a lot of erotica (Or as we call it here at Well Did You Evah, Kinky Fuckery) and through that I may be Asexual but I have a lot of useless knowledge on BDSM. It’s an interest it doesn’t mean I want to do those things. If you read up on serial killers you aren’t going to go on a murder spree, the only thing you get is more knowledge… and a few laughs.

This may seem like I’ve gone on, coming out, as Asexual might not to some people be as big as coming out as gay, I mean if I want to be honest on most forms on the sexual orientation part, I usually end up putting, “Prefer not to say,” Or have a long debate on if I should put I’m bi or straight, which honestly is fun… not. So, some parts of society don’t even see us as a real thing, people are slowly starting to recognize Sherlock (BBC) and Sheldon (The Big Bang Theory) as being Asexual. There are fingers crossed there might be some more awareness about this.

But this is who I am, this isn’t a phase, I’ve sort of known since I was 16. I wear a black ring around my right middle finger (a sort of symbol in the asexual community) to remind and show it and importantly I’m comfortable with who I am.

Asexy1

Asexy and you know it

Website commonly known as AVEN-

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

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International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women

You don’t have to be a woman to support this. International 1in3

It is said to be that 1 in 3 girls or women will experience some kind of violence in their life, now that’s the same statistic of experiencing mental health issues or developing cancer and that effects both genders. It’s not that they witness it, women are subjected to it, either trafficking, domestic violence, physically, emotionally, economically or sexually and that just doesn’t mean rape. 70% of women have experienced some kind of violence from their intimate partner, so it should be someone they trust who does this hurt, that won’t just hurt them physically, it will also slowly eat away at them emotionally as well, it can effect their whole health, they may just be physically abused but the thought processes which will go off behind each assault will effect them in other ways. Violence against women is a human rights violation.

It’s known that some countries to other countries treat their women unfairly, but as this is a United Nations International Day it admits it’s a world wide issue, ok it probably won’t be wiped out entirely probably anytime soon, the root of the cause of violence against women is said to be from the persistent discrimination against females, but at least with things such as this enough awareness out there to help it slowly diminish.

Because some of these facts are sickening-

In Australia, Canada, Israel, South Africa and the United States, 40 to 70 per cent of female murder victims were killed by their partners.

Women aged 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from cancer, car accidents, war and malaria. According to World Bank data

In Colombia, one woman is reportedly killed by her partner or former partner every six days.

A 2004 study in the United Kingdom estimated the total direct and indirect costs of domestic violence, including pain and suffering, to be £23 billion per year or £440 per person

Every 9 minutes a woman is raped in Britain and up to 3 million women in the UK experience violence each year.

During the conflict in Bosnia in the early 1990s, between 20,000 and 50,000 women were raped.

One in three girls are ‘groped’ at school and sexual harassment is routine.

International Safe

 

This year, there is a theme to spread awareness.

International

“Orange the world in 16 days.” Is the theme -stating the 16 days of activism against Gender violence ending on Human Rights day, where people are invited to wear orange to spread awareness and show support for this cause.

Raising awareness against female violence will not just give the message to people that it is wrong but it will also help those who are experiencing the violence help and support, hopefully give them the courage to get out- with their children if they have any, to get out as there are many shelters which can help or even just groups or seeing a councillors which are free and available for those women who have experienced violence such as sexual abuse.

If you or you know a woman who is experiencing any form of violence, there is support out there and you are not alone.

Twitter# for this event- #orangeurworld

Links-

http://www.endviolenceagainstwomen.org.uk

http://www.un.org/en/events/endviolenceday/index.shtml

http://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women