Late Night Ramblings of a Girl who’s struggling to cope. Again.

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I’ve been doing pretty well with my depression and anxiety. I know I’m doing well because I myself feel brilliant. I feel like a completely different person. In the past 6 months I’ve changed jobs met new colleagues who’ve become friends. Come to like the job I’m doing and actually feel comfortable in what I do. I’ve been offered jobs and had no anxieties about turning them down. It’s been excellent.

Then I lost one of my permanent journalism jobs. Which in turn led to me not having enough money to go for the house I want. I also realised that this time last year i spent every waking, and in some cases every sleeping, hour in a hospital watching my best friend die.

Yeah. In 2 days I turn 25 but in 8 days Jess will have been gone a year.

This is destroying me. I can’t help it and I don’t really want it to stop but it’s making me a completely different person to who I’ve been for the past 6 months. It’s made me feel like a fake because the new friends I have where I work really don’t know anything about me. I’m now anxious all the time that it’ll somehow make them hate me or see me as weak. I’m paranoid that i’ll be watched closely because something might trigger me to be sad.

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The friend I spoke to about all this isn’t here anymore and I haven’t seen my counsellor in 6 months because silly me thought ‘hey new job, new me. I can totally pull all this off!’ I was so wrong it hurts. I haven’t felt like this in years. Before it’s always felt like something I can snap out of, this feels like it’s here for much longer. Mixing depression, anxiety and heartache together is a stellar combination and one which I don’t think I’ll come out of unscathed. I’m at the point where someone says the wrong thing and I feel like crying. I can’t handle a situation at work and I go all quiet and retreat into my little dark place where no one can hurt me but on the outside I’m basically blank and ignoring you. Not good in a customer based environment.

As it get’s closer to Jess’ anniversary I think I’ll get worse. At the moment I get teary eyed when her favourite songs come on and I’m having 2am conversations with another of our friends. It’s bizarre but it’s how it’s all playing out.

In the end I’m stuck with depression and anxiety. I just wish I had a warning system for when it’s going to strike and how bad it’s going to be because let’s face it thinking everyone is looking at you and you have no idea why isn’t the best way to go about your day.

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Want to live in a former home of Katharine Hepburn? Well here’s your chance!

Over the weekend I was told the fantastic news that the house that Hepburn lived in when she first moved to Hollywood in 1932 is up for sale. It’s a must have for us die hard fans and it would interest those who have a liking for the supernatural because she supposedly moved out because ghosts took to moving the furniture. That makes a great selling point.

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Anyways anything with links to the great actress is well worth a look at and at $7.39 million you could have a piece of history.

Another great actor once lived there too… Frankenstein himself, Boris Karloff, lived here for a while and I’ve read somewhere that he may have planted the roses. I’d love to casually point that out to friends at my garden party.

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It’s definitely a lot of money for us mere mortals but with 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms a huge square footage and a massive garden (with swimming pool) I’m sure we can arrange something.

All we’d have to fight about is which Hepburn film to screen first.

A Slice of Craft Ale Heaven in the Big City

Craft Beer BarWhilst the classic notion of pub culture is seemingly still in decline, the rise of Craft beer culture is reaching new heights. A recent post in the Guardian outlined that Pale Ale sells are higher than ever, increasing in as much as 70% over the past 2 years with younger demographics taking up the drinking of real ales. With this, London especially, is seeing new establishments opening up to cater for the growing taste. Festivals are being held all over the country so lovers of these, often limited edition drinks, can share in their unique tastes and talk about what is essentially a passion project for all involved. Continue reading

Cinderella Still A Fairy Tale Full Of Faith and Magic

Cinderella_2015_official_posterLast week I went to see the live action version of Cinderella. I liked it that much I’m hoping to go see it again before its cinema run finishes. As a fan of Disney and especially Cinderella I will admit I was nervous at seeing it. I’d basically not watched anything much to do with it in case they’d changed my vision of the fairy tale. If anything I think it was better because it was more in depth and filled out. This is great for us that watched the Disney version as kids and completely understood it yet as we grew up we wanted to know more about Cinderella’s life. What happened to her father? Was there more to her meeting her Prince?

This film fills these gaps so well that you’ll find yourself crying. I cried in a cinema packed with kids. Her mum dies, there’s tears. Her dad doesn’t return, tears. The King tells the Prince he can’t marry a commoner, floods of tears. Kenneth Branagh who directed managed to bring a very old story up to date yet keep it magical and innocent for an entire audience. It’s the first time in a while I’ve seen a wide age range in one showing. That in itself is magical and this is what Disney does for us. The fantastic cast may have had a hand too with the likes of Hayley Atwell, Cate Blanchett, Derek Jacobi and Helena Bonham Carter as the Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella’s mum (Attwell) tells her to “Have courage and be kind.” It feels like one of those short phrases tumblr_nmpig7pNXG1un08uto4_250that are a life lesson. Lily James who plays Cinderella captures this phrase in all she does in the film. It’s sometimes difficult to be kind in some situations like in the film and yet Cinderella follows through showing the younger audience and us older people that it can be done. In a strange way it was nice to see her break down in private so we see she’s still human just like us.

The romance of the film reminds us so much of the 1950’s original version. There’s
still a barrier in the way between royalty and commoners and yet when they set eyes on each other all that matters is love. There’s no point hiding when matters of the heart are at stake, just as Prince Charming (Richard Madden) proves. Cinderella and the Prince first meet in such an everyday type of situation. Nothing special but the moment does fit so well. She saves the stag that the Prince and his men are hunting showing us her compassion and affinity with the animals is still very much present. As are the adorable mice and Gus-Gus.

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The magic of the transformation and the ball were left in and left quite close to the original version yet there was some well received tweaks. Cinderella still has to meet the all important curfew and still managed to run, gracefully, all the way down those steps in pretty glass shoes. That in itself is a fairy tale but it’s the price we pay for dreams.

I was so glad to find they’d left the song “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” in the film and that Lily had recorded a version too. Each Disney film has a signature song and for me this one is it. As a child I hummed to it and as I’ve grown up I’ve found different interpretations to it. You’re all probably the same. It’s a song that will never date and means a lot in difficult situations.

317d1d33cf493046471f3b16a1f2d59d58f30660I think the main reason I’m writing this piece is that there is still room for fairy tales in the world today and they make us feel better no matter how much we cry through them. We see so many interpretations of the tales of old and yet they essentially stay the same. Cinderella is just like us. She’s had tragedies, hard times and then so much hope. If we all stuck with “have courage and be kind” we too could make situations better for ourselves and others. Yes it might be hard but we can learn something. We don’t all live in fairy tales but we can strive to be better people and live to see our dreams come true even if that dream is only to find our own Prince or Princess. I live to fulfil my dreams because some people can’t and like Cinderella said about the ball: “It was like a dream. Better than a dream.”

All I can do now is hope the live action version of Beauty and the Beast is as well executed. If they destroy that film my faith in humanity will be lost as it’s my all time favourite Disney film. I will say the cast looks fantastic so far!

 

Late Night Ramblings of a Girl Who Wants To Talk About Depression

Well. I wanted to write something and now I’m here I don’t quite know what to say.d6a105b7142ac8c95e47de3c89b541ac I’m fed up and slowly destroying myself at the moment. I don’t quite know what to say when someone talks to me and yet afterwards I think of the perfect thing to say; I’m down and hurting and I want it to stop. I find it hard to talk, writing is much easier for me but many people don’t understand this. When I write I can separate myself from everything. I can tell myself no one will ever see this or the people who will see it I’ll never ever see or they’ll be that afraid by what I’ve written they won’t say anything to me. Either way I don’t mind. It’s just nice to vent and get it all out there every so often.

At the moment I’m in hell. I feel like a zombie, I don’t care for anything and don’t care to do anything either. I had a job interview and an assessment for a job that was shocking and I’d never do even if I was jobless. Because I’m not feeling great this has knocked me back a bit more. I feel like, at the moment, I can’t try to fix myself because I want to help fix my sister who’s currently in a psychiatric ward. As you all know she’s bipolar and she’s in there to help herself. She’ll be doing well with the right help and the right environment around her but I miss her a lot. I don’t want to burden my mum about my problems because I know she’s worried about Cat. She goes every day after work and visits her for a while. What rights do I have to put my problems on her? I should be helping so I put a smile on my face and get on with it even though inside I’m slowly giving up.

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This is exactly what it’s like. c. Hyperbole and a Half

 

I admit now that I suffer from depression. I don’t have it all the time but every so often it sneaks up on me and tries to make me give up. It tries to hurt me, my family and those I love around me and this makes me feel worse.
70d7f75664505bd1bee163ac20c2c08aMental Health still has a stigma in this country and I think that’s made me deny having depression for a while. I self harm but I always made it sound like a normal problem yet it is linked to my depression. I don’t want people to automatically think “oh she’s the one with depression” or “she needs to snap out of it.” People with mental health problems hate this. We really are no different to you in most ways. If I could just stop self harming don’t you think I would? Do you really think I like all the sympathetic and sad looks I get when someone sees a plaster or the cuts on my arms? For Gods sake I’m 24 and I don’t feel in control of my life! I feel like I’ll never be right according to what you think is right. I can be happy and then I get paranoid and afraid that someone will see my mask slipping, they’ll see the ugly side of me. It’s so tiring keeping the happy “yeah I’m okay” mask on all the time. But making people understand is even worse.

We are people too. Just remember that. Some of us need extra help and some of us need help and time just admitting that we need extra help. Sometime soon I might be brave enough to let my mask slip completely but for now I need to stay strong for my sister and for those of us going through a tough time. Most of all I need to stay strong for myself because who else will do it for me?

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Fifty Shades of Grey- Merchandise edition

First off- apologies for not writing for so long, I’ve been ill and still sort of am so there might be big gaps between my writing.

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I’m sure you’veFifty shades4 heard of it, that. “BDSM,” book Which isn’t actually BDSM more like a book of how to be an abusive, yet still sexy and get everyone to want you, partner. BDSM does not involve stalking a person definitely does not involve threats… unless it is a discussed beforehand role playing thing but let’s not get into that… Is now a movie getting released just in time for Valentines day.

There are several discussions of people saying they are going to boycott the film due to it’s, “abusive,” nature.

Ok, if you haven’t heard of Fifty Shades of Grey, this is one of those, “Where were have you been?” Moments, this is the book that has probably produced a generation by it’s self just down to the raw kinkiness of some of it’s scenes, and also spun a highlight to, “What is BDSM?” But as the book became more popular more people began to realise the main man of the series, Mr Christian Grey and the leading female of the series Anastasia Steele’s relationship wasn’t that healthy.

In a short term, Fifty Shades is a book which shows

Fifty Shades3A relationship with no romance but the author still manages to add some form of romance into this dark twisted “love” story by Christian Grey’s weird way of romantically stalking his innocent minded, absent minded “girlfriend”/new friend who should be kept emotionally distant who he can turn into “friend with a lot of kinky benefits”

This is a trilogy so it get’s better…

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I mean if someone shows you a room, which you nickname, “The Red Room of Pain.” Chances are you know something’s going to go wrong right?

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So, Fifty Shades of Grey is a fanfiction (story based off another story) of Twilight- teenage vampire love story, which sort of developed into a complicated relationship.

Like the Twilight movie there is merchandise coming out…

Now Twilight we had t-shirts, key rings etc.

Fifty Shades now their advertisement and merchandise budget must be massive… seriously every time I go out I’m hit by Fifty Shades of Grey on the side of a bus, (I’m not actually hit by a bus or else I wouldn’t be writing this post). Plus I doubt Beyoncè comes at a cheap price however, she now has two songs on the soundtrack. Fifty Shades wine

We have Fifty Shades T-shirts coming out and I had to dig through the Internet before found key rings.

But other merchandise include

  • Jewellery and the tie seen on the front cover of Fifty Shades of Grey.
  • Sexy Knickers and bras or (Lingerie as everyone puts it) of all coverings and comforts (So from you can see that you are wearing underwear to you can barely notice it)
  • Wine, because you know everyone needs a lack of judgment before having sex… Luckily they are bringing in new laws in that area in the UK.
  • Teddy Bear… Now why didn’t they bring out a cuddly Jacob in wolf form for Twilight? But if it’s going to cost £59.12 for a cuddly wolf I think even Team Jacob fans might have passed that.
  • 50 Shades of Fifty Shades teddyEarl Grey Tea… Which is odd because in the book Ana’s favorite tea is Twinnings Breakfast Tea.
  • Baby Grow… One says I’m a result of my mommy reading Fifty Shades of Grey”, Another “My mommy pretends Christian Grey is my daddy” Please take a photo of kids wearing that then show them the photo when they learn what Fifty Shades of Grey is and please get in touch what their reaction was, I have a feeling these baby grows will be like the pink princess dresses every female goth has to deny she wore. Along with the Baby Grow’s there is also Baby changing mats! Who came up with that idea?

These are just some of the odd things out, since the book became popular there has already been the creation of all the handcuffs and floggers so there is no real need to go into them.
Will Well Did you evah be going to see Fifty Shades of Grey at the Cinema?

We might do… although I understand it’s abusive, I also understand that(And I’ve read) there are worse books out there, the only difference is this one has made a lot of hype about its self. Fifty shades2In the end it’s a movie based on a book, Christian Grey was an abused child and I think those who have been through abused childhoods will know you don’t always enter adulthood unscathed but in the end he’s willing to get help for it, he sees a therapist! Which is something we should take into consideration, not that it forgives him. Anastasia Steele is a girl with low self esteem the contract and control Christian first gives her she negotiates which and agrees which shows she has some control in the relationship.

By not seeing the movie the industry is just loosing money, but the news circulating about abuse even if we don’t see the movie, the right message is still getting out there, people can see this movie and know partners can abuse each other in more than one way.

 

Happy Birthday James Dean

tumblr_nbuj61SjqY1rerml7o1_128084 years ago today James Dean was born. He would go on to be one of the most successful actors in Hollywood and yet he only made three films in under two years. All though his career was short lived due to his untimely death at the age of 24 he became a star that the young people of the 50’s could relate to. The film Rebel Without a Cause still strikes a chord with the youth of today. Dean’s style would become iconic and his short life would be looked at time and time again in relation to his sexual orientation and his memorable style. He is truly a legend in his own rights, achieving in five years what many actors didn’t in their entire careers. He earned the respect of his fellow actors and crews and of his fans both young and old.

The 50’s really was the best time for Dean to be an actor on the big screen. His three staring films are practically classics and I hope that everyone has watched at least one.

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3786205157_591149762b_o1East of Eden was the first he got main billing for in 1955. Aged 24 he starred in this take of John Steinbeck’s book of the same name. As a young guy himself he really showed his maturity in this film as it is loosely based on the Biblical story of Cain and Abel. We see Dean go through love and hate towards his father and brother. He tries his hardest to gain his fathers approval and it is so very convincing that when, at the end, he achieves the approval and love he craves you can’t help but smile. Many reviewers said this was Dean’s best ever performance and the Academy Awards saw fit to award him an Oscar for his acting role in 1956. He was the first person to receive a posthumous nomination.

Soon after in 1955 he’d star in another film where he’d be vying after the affections andMV5BMTg2ODcxOTU1OV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNzA3ODI1MDE@._V1_SX640_SY720_ attentions of a father figure. Rebel Without a Cause will be his most recognisable film where he played teenager Jim Stark opposite teenage stars Natalie Wood and Sal Mineo. The film is a masterpiece and sees Dean portray eerily perfectly the raw feelings felt by the middle class youth. He has such an expressive face and way of acting that works perfectly in all the high emotion scenes. His red jacket and quiff became staple requirements for many men of the 50’s. The story works well for Dean because of his age and he works wonderfully onscreen with Wood and Mineo making this a performance that will never be forgotten. Unfortunately Dean never saw the completed film, Warner Brothers released it less than a month after he’d died.

 

tumblr_n2uhd90gcu1s0lxi0o1_500His last film was released in 1956 and took a completely different road to his previous two films. Giant saw him play a stable hand who strikes it rich with oil, not the young person he feared he’d be typecast as. In Giant you see Dean’s dedication to the film and the art of acting by actually dying his hair grey to portray the ageing of his character. He stars opposite stars like Elizabeth Taylor and Rock Hudson in the film and he bounces off them perfectly. Giant itself was released around a year after his death and someone had to dub some of his lines in production because of his sudden death. Again he received a posthumous Academy Award and if you watch the film you’ll agree it was well deserved.

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Even though James Dean only starred in three films he made three films that can be watched by anyone. His talent was a massive part of his short success and so was his iconic image. He will be remembered for a very long time and hopefully his films will be remembered as well as his fast life and tragic death have been.

Why 2015 will be a spectacular year

2015 is here guys! We’re all probably looking for holidays, short breaks and just nice things to do for the rest of the year to keep us smiling. This year has some great things in store for us Old Hollywood lovers. There’s also some marvellous stuff in store for all film, fashion and art lovers.

To give you a taste we’re going to run down what we’re looking forward to in 2015… Obviously not everything is here yet, some exciting things will pop up later this year.

Film/ Stage

I’m looking forward to Into The Woods. A mash up of fairytales, songs and an all star cast featuring Meryl Streep, Anna Kendrick, Johnny Depp and James Corden the film is sure to be a hit. Anna Kendrick also returns in Pitch Perfect 2 later in the year.

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Katharine Hepburn at BFI Southbank are holding a month katharine-hepburn-portrait-001-00n-7xkof this brilliantly talented woman’s work. I was very excited when I found out about this! Films range from The Philadelphia Story and Adam’s Rib to A Woman Rebels and Stage Door with everything in-between. For the full list visit BFI You can also buy tickets here if you really, really need to. I might even see some of you there.

February also brings the Fifty Shades of Grey film which I hear millions of women are super excited for. Based on the book of the same name it features the very wonderful looking Jamie Dornan. With an 18 rating it’s definitely for the adult audiences. Prepare for sexiness, stalking, no romance, kinky fuckery and a very controlling rich man. It’s due out in the UK on 13th February with tickets available now from most cinemas.

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2015 sees a brilliant treat from director Maria Friedman who is bringing High Society to the London stage. Old Vic is going to be holding this swellegant, elegant party which will be kicking off on 30th April. As of yet no cast as been confirmed, can’t be long to wait though! Tickets are available here

Two films I probably don’t need to mention, but I’ll refresh your memories, are The Avengers: Age of Ultron and Ant-Man. Both look like sure hits this year.

Big Hero 6 is worth a mention for an animated film…

Exhibitions

V&A host a stunning looking exhibition of the late, great Alexander McQueen’s work and creative brilliance. Savage Beauty runs from 14th March to 19th July and will be well worth a visit as it’s the largest collection looking back at McQueen’s work in Europe.

Fans of Audrey Hepburn will be flocking to National Portrait Gallery this summer to see their Portrait of an Icon exhibition. NPG have a range of photographic portraits spanning Hepburn’s life. These include fashion, film and philanthropic based photos from a range of photographers.

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TV

There’s probably to much happening with TV shows to mention here but here’s a few that caught my eye and/or I enjoy watching.

Supernatural is celebrating it’s 10th birthday this year. It doesn’t feel like two minutes since we met demon hunter brothers Sam and Dean Winchester. Here’s to many more years on TV hunting demons, saving us from apocalypses, getting trapped in hell and singing and dancing for us.

 

Police show Blue Bloods reached it’s 100th show on 9th January. No small feat with the way shows get cut and cancelled these days. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic also celebrates it’s 100th episode later this year when season 5 airs.

37871045I’m excited to see Rizzoli & Isles return for Season 6 and Bitten for Season 2. Both are shows based on books so it’ll be interesting to see which direction they go in. A lot has happened in both series that’s nowhere close to the book so we can’t guess what’s going to happen next.

2015 seems to be Marvel’s year. New comics, Age of Ultron film and the premiere of the tv series Agent Carter. This started in US last week and I’m quite impressed with it. I’m so glad Hayley Atwell as stayed on as Agent Peggy Carter and remains kick ass and a true role model to women.

As shows begin others unfortunately end. This year sees Lost Girl end on season 5. I’ll be sad to see this sexy succubus go but I’m glad we get a proper ending especially after the ending we got on season 4. Bo, Kenzie, Lauren and Dyson we’ll miss you guys!

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We’ll keep you updated throughout the year on these and many more happenings in the world of movies, tv and exhibitions. Until then enjoy the vast array of spectacular big and indie films out this year and keep your eyes peeled for other great ways to pass the hours.

Je Suis Charlie: Illustrations do the talking

Je-suis-CharlieYesterday’s attack on Paris based satire magazine Charlie Hebdo shocked the world. It wasn’t just an attack on people; it was an attack on journalists, freedom of speech and expression and freedom of the press. These are important in today’s world. Freedom of speech makes us who we are and gives us the opportunities to have opinions.

Twelve people were killed, including journalists, illustrators and police officers, and that killing was senseless. Charlie Hebdo have been targeted before for the cartoons they print and yet they’ve always come back as strong as ever. This time is no different. In fact this time the world has responded, artists from all over the world have drawn cartoons in response to the attack. In this way we win. The world has come together with the hashtag #Jesuischarlie, the cartoons of Charlie Hebdo and other illustrators are being viewed in their thousands. Yes the shooting has happened on French soil but big crowds have been seen gathering in major cities worldwide and there has been moments of silence held in streets, at press agencies, by governments and by the police in respect for those lost.

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Fantastically the issue that was being worked on at the time of the attack will be printed, in fact 1 million copies will be printed. Freedom of speech is not beaten and satire will not be cowed by any fanatics. As for now we need to keep doing what we do best, speaking.

For more cartoons visit The Independent.

Happy New Year!

Hello dear followers, Old Hollywood Lovers and people who accidentally got to this page!

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We at Well Did You Evah would like to wish you all a very Happy New Year for 2015. Here’s hoping you get good things coming your way, find love and inspiration when you most need it and make new promises while keeping the old.

Don’t lose your love for the old as the old is coming back to make us smile. Yes we’ve lost a few of our beloved stars but 2015 marks the beginning of some big 100th birthdays. 2015 also brings with it some great art exhibitions, West End shows, films and other pretty tempting things that we want to tell you about.

Go forth and make 2015 the best year you’ve ever had!

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