Late Night Ramblings of a vampire diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder

It’s been over a year but a lot has been happening. My diagnosis list has increased I have Fibromyalgia and now Borderline Personality Disorder to add to the list!

So, a lot of you know I have Bipolar disorder but also this year I was told I have Borderline Personality Disorder as well… so basically my brain has decided to learn how to make me have more mood swings with a crippling amount of self-doubt.

BPD7
Another name for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. To be honest, I had to find out that the disorder was called BPD on the internet when I got home as the psychiatrist kept referring to me as having emotionally unstable disorder. To say I was annoyed, probably proved her point as I was in tears along with secretly wanting to storm out of the room. I had only gone to these appointments to get my bipolar reviewed (I even created a mood chart and I felt like that had been ignored)

BPD8            I guess I was in denial… well come on, someone telling you, you are emotionally
unstable is a big thing. Plus, also in the
same appointment the psychiatrist also brought up the thought she thinks I might be autistic. I was feeling low that day and she was concerned I had made hardly any eye contact… I guess in her mind she saw another diagnosis whereas, I just saw that I wasn’t feeling up enough to look at people, which is actually a symptom of depression.

My BPD comes from my childhood and early adolescence, I admitted to the psychiatrist I had a crap one, with all the bullying and abuse I went through. So, it’s not like, this forBPD6 me anyway, this is a chemical imbalance. I have learned to react these ways. This means, more therapy for me!.. Considering I’ve been through Mindfulness twice and a type of CBT twice I have to use sarcasm when it comes to the prospect of me going through more therapy, I’m getting signed up for DBT next. Truthfully, I’m not even sure what I’ll be like if they manage to sort out my BPD. It’s a symptom of BPD you are unsure of who you are and with my bipolar on top of that I’m all over the place. It feels as if no one knows the real me, I dissociate a lot the world becomes unreal or I start to think I’m a different person.

I’m coming more to terms with the diagnosis now noticing things which tick the boxes. Sort of like, abandonment issues? Tick that box as I’m always figuring that people are going to leave me behind, friends are harder to keep with me and it’s harder to make friends as tBPD1he thought they are thinking negatively towards me always appears. Like a few weeks ago, there was this woman who stared at me in what I thought was a glare, so automatically I had a breakdown, thinking that now everyone in that area was against me and hated me. That’s what it’s like with BPD, it’s black and white relationships, you’re either thinking people love you or people hate you. Also, there’s the self-doubt, the feeling of worthlessness. It doesn’t take a lot to set that off, unlike my bipolar where my mood takes weeks to change, with BPD my mood could change in seconds and with the bipolar it could make that worse.

What does it mean to have bipolar and BPD? Well, it will be different for everyone. With me though it means my moods could be worse and last longer. I’m already, “Emotionally unstable.” People with BPD often feel emotions more intensely and I mean intense you can go from feeling empty, lonely and the lowest of low to the hiBPD3ghest high where you believe everyone loves you. The anger can be destructive, destroying relationships or anything in your path, you can scream your heart out in frustration punch walls until you’re in pain. Unlike bipolar which works in cycles, it will just take one
little thing and my mood could change, like I said one stare and I can become depressed. One person not showing interest can leave you feeling unloved. With bipolar in the mix it means sometimes my moods will last longer, BPD can be a trigger. There can be normal days but it is easy to trigger a mood or a thought, like the diagnosis states it is an unstable disorder.

BPD4            There’s a lot of complex feelings and thoughts that come with Borderline Personality disorder that I’m now just discovering. There are things about me that I just thought were part of my weirdness when actually it’s part of the disorder. Turns out not everyone feels the need to blame themselves for every little thing. Relationships can be hard with BPD, with me it’s hard to ask for help. I automatically want to push people away when my mood goes low, I suddenly become this burden on others, which then triggers the suicidal thoughts. I did reach a milestone about a month ago actually asking for help without my support workers support so I guess that’s something. There’s a constant darkness of not wanting to live my mind bringing forward harmful or embarrassing memories that can trigger me.

BPD5

Anyway, that’s enough of my ramblings hopefully I’ll get back to writing more frequently!

Fifty Shades of Grey- Merchandise edition

First off- apologies for not writing for so long, I’ve been ill and still sort of am so there might be big gaps between my writing.

Floop

I’m sure you’veFifty shades4 heard of it, that. “BDSM,” book Which isn’t actually BDSM more like a book of how to be an abusive, yet still sexy and get everyone to want you, partner. BDSM does not involve stalking a person definitely does not involve threats… unless it is a discussed beforehand role playing thing but let’s not get into that… Is now a movie getting released just in time for Valentines day.

There are several discussions of people saying they are going to boycott the film due to it’s, “abusive,” nature.

Ok, if you haven’t heard of Fifty Shades of Grey, this is one of those, “Where were have you been?” Moments, this is the book that has probably produced a generation by it’s self just down to the raw kinkiness of some of it’s scenes, and also spun a highlight to, “What is BDSM?” But as the book became more popular more people began to realise the main man of the series, Mr Christian Grey and the leading female of the series Anastasia Steele’s relationship wasn’t that healthy.

In a short term, Fifty Shades is a book which shows

Fifty Shades3A relationship with no romance but the author still manages to add some form of romance into this dark twisted “love” story by Christian Grey’s weird way of romantically stalking his innocent minded, absent minded “girlfriend”/new friend who should be kept emotionally distant who he can turn into “friend with a lot of kinky benefits”

This is a trilogy so it get’s better…

fiftyshades5

I mean if someone shows you a room, which you nickname, “The Red Room of Pain.” Chances are you know something’s going to go wrong right?

Fifty Shades1

So, Fifty Shades of Grey is a fanfiction (story based off another story) of Twilight- teenage vampire love story, which sort of developed into a complicated relationship.

Like the Twilight movie there is merchandise coming out…

Now Twilight we had t-shirts, key rings etc.

Fifty Shades now their advertisement and merchandise budget must be massive… seriously every time I go out I’m hit by Fifty Shades of Grey on the side of a bus, (I’m not actually hit by a bus or else I wouldn’t be writing this post). Plus I doubt Beyoncè comes at a cheap price however, she now has two songs on the soundtrack. Fifty Shades wine

We have Fifty Shades T-shirts coming out and I had to dig through the Internet before found key rings.

But other merchandise include

  • Jewellery and the tie seen on the front cover of Fifty Shades of Grey.
  • Sexy Knickers and bras or (Lingerie as everyone puts it) of all coverings and comforts (So from you can see that you are wearing underwear to you can barely notice it)
  • Wine, because you know everyone needs a lack of judgment before having sex… Luckily they are bringing in new laws in that area in the UK.
  • Teddy Bear… Now why didn’t they bring out a cuddly Jacob in wolf form for Twilight? But if it’s going to cost £59.12 for a cuddly wolf I think even Team Jacob fans might have passed that.
  • 50 Shades of Fifty Shades teddyEarl Grey Tea… Which is odd because in the book Ana’s favorite tea is Twinnings Breakfast Tea.
  • Baby Grow… One says I’m a result of my mommy reading Fifty Shades of Grey”, Another “My mommy pretends Christian Grey is my daddy” Please take a photo of kids wearing that then show them the photo when they learn what Fifty Shades of Grey is and please get in touch what their reaction was, I have a feeling these baby grows will be like the pink princess dresses every female goth has to deny she wore. Along with the Baby Grow’s there is also Baby changing mats! Who came up with that idea?

These are just some of the odd things out, since the book became popular there has already been the creation of all the handcuffs and floggers so there is no real need to go into them.
Will Well Did you evah be going to see Fifty Shades of Grey at the Cinema?

We might do… although I understand it’s abusive, I also understand that(And I’ve read) there are worse books out there, the only difference is this one has made a lot of hype about its self. Fifty shades2In the end it’s a movie based on a book, Christian Grey was an abused child and I think those who have been through abused childhoods will know you don’t always enter adulthood unscathed but in the end he’s willing to get help for it, he sees a therapist! Which is something we should take into consideration, not that it forgives him. Anastasia Steele is a girl with low self esteem the contract and control Christian first gives her she negotiates which and agrees which shows she has some control in the relationship.

By not seeing the movie the industry is just loosing money, but the news circulating about abuse even if we don’t see the movie, the right message is still getting out there, people can see this movie and know partners can abuse each other in more than one way.

 

World Mental Health day- Late Night Ramblings of a vampire who’s been to a mental hospital

Shot hope1

Talk like a Pirate day, (for those of you who need educating, that’s the 19th of September) I ended up in hospital for mental health reasons. I decided this World mental health day (Well the night before W.M.H.D), while freezing my hands off writDW headbanging this thanks to the cold nights, having to stop in my parents conservatory and I can’t find my gloves to go under this quilt (they came to the conclusion me stopping with them was a good idea, it may be a good idea but in the conservatory in the middle of winter, I’m on anti-psychotics so those penguins must be real). But I decided I’d have a go at telling my experience at stopping 17 long and frankly boring days. I did mention before leaving that with all the waiting we had to do no wonder people in there were going crazy; also I’d go crazy just with lack of things to do.

 

I didn’t end up in there fMonstersor pushing too many people off planks or going insane and over dosing on Krispy Kreme’s offer where you got a free donut if you showed up dressed like a pirate, looking back though they, especially the latter, might have been a good option. I didn’t get properly hospitalised till the Sunday (Talk like a Pirate day was on Friday). In these hospital trips I had to spend about 6 hours in a waiting room, which yes I know for some people 6 hours is nothing, trust me been there when I had a broken nose, but it could seem like eternity. Especially when you have creepy people coming in and out, injured Sunday footballers coming in with probably nothing more than a sprained ankle and a family you swear was the Spanish mob, and that’s just what was happening outside of me.

It’s hard to explain to those healthy people, but imagine you are in severe pain. Try distracting yourself from it, now on that weekend that’s sort of what I was feeling. Just not physical pain, you can easily walk into an A&E screaming in pain telling them what’s hurting, my pain I couldn’t exactly pin point. Bipolar you have highs and lows, my low was at an all time and if that wasn’t bad enough I had an hallucination voice that was a female constantly screaming in pain in my head, I had told a therapist later that I could imagine a woman burning, now I don’t know if that’s just because I’m a Supernatural fan and my mind was reminding me of the first episode of season one or what but it was horrible.

Another thing what is hard to explain to people is how I saw myself during those times… The Fault in our Stars quote, “I’m a Grenade and at some point I’m going to blow up and I would like to minimise the casualties, okay?” That’s basically it, I know seeing a mental health patient compare herself to a terminally ill cancer patient is strange and to some people wrong but that’s how I see it, it’s why I sympathise with Hazel so much. I may not have a tumour killing me but there are days were I see my mental illness as the grenade and the statistics haunt me. Being Bipolar, there is a 50% it will kill me (well statistics say I will kill myself but it will probably be the bipolar that caused that). The medication just becomes something that is keeping you alive, with out it the illness will take over, so when it feels like the illness is taking over with out the medication, the right thing is to take more right?

Infecting

 

I over took medication, that’s the reason I was told to go to A&E. I didn’t overdose. There is a difference. For me to have overdose I’d have had to have taken a certain amount, I was close to taking it but I’d have to have taken 1 or 2 more tablets,Numbed also there would have had to be suicide in mind.

With the severe pain thing in mind, I just wanted things to stop, for the world to stop, for what I was hearing and feeling to stop. I took the first lot of tablets that didn’t stop anything that I was feeling so I took another lot a few hours after and then another lot after, meaning I took about 6 tablets. It was the doctors on Sunday that wouldn’t let me home deeming it would be a risk putting me anywhere I had access to medication.

When they hospitalise you they can do two things, well in my case three but we had done the 3rd before but that after a week I was hitting my head against a wall- and in that place I was allowed my MacBook. 2 things they can do- informal admittance or sectioning (which means you get some of your rights taken away) My case I was an informal admittance, meaning I chose to go into hospital, although I didn’t want to stop in for that long and I soon started to wonder why I had chose to go in the first place. If they had told me in that little room in A&E were I stared mostly into corners trying to keep up with the constant stream of, “What do you want to do?” that I’d be subjected to a timetable that was carved in stone, no laptops or expensive electronics and chargers had to be given in and if you wanted your phone charging you had to give your phone to the office? I may have gone for the place that made me want to bash my head in. (This is the reason I found my time there insanely boring once I started to get better I live by my MacBook)

When I got there- via taxi, massive issue considering I have a fear of taxis so another question they had to keep asking me was, “Will I jump out?”- It was scary; the whole world got squashed into this ward. It has two small gardens- one that was full of smokers, the other one I used just to get away from people. They occasionally wondered out there too, public spaces, go figure… I got my own room with a plastic mattress and even a plastic covered duvet. Guess what? The walls weren’t padded and there were no straight jackets! Sorry to disappoint you but they don’t use straight jackets anymore… also I found out on my second week there that the staff won’t had out mallets and tranquiliser guns.

As I arrived at night I didn’t get to meet many people till the next day.

Fear yourself

At breakfast it became evident it was sort of like school, 5 circular tables full of different people. The people you sat with were the people you soon came close too and sat with every day, even though it took a few days for the relationship to get to a social level, for before that point it was mostly eye contact. For me one of the first conversations I had with a patient I had was with a woman who came in about the same time as me and the conversation was about her teddy bear, that she came in hugging… she was discharged before me so she happily laughed while I grumbled about how life wasn’t fair. It was hard to see how a woman who looked scared of her own shadow could have been in a better state than me. I have to admit I was also a bit peed off that she came in with a teddy and I hadn’t come in with something to hug- that was corrected the next day though with a cuddly squirrel.

People were in here for different reasons, some were more evident then others, one lady I made friends with was just in there for holiday. No idea why you’d want to go in there for a holiday, but then if you are happy with watching daytime tv aHallucinationsnd having a strict regime with (not so good) meals, it’s the ideal place for you! If you crossed a person who was talking to themselves looking distant, chances are they were in for mental health. There were also people in this ward in for rehab, so chances are they could disappear as they went into withdrawal. There was one case waiting in the line to get medication where one of the patients was asking another to go to the shop to get him some beer. Thankfully, it didn’t end in violence, although striking up a fight in front of a room full of staff with medication unless you had a low IQ that’s not a good idea.

One thing I loved was the staff. It wasn’t all cooed voices, caring too much; thankfully they treated us like real people. Things I hated, I think I mentioned this 3 times already the timetable. There were 3 and ½ meal times and 4 drink times. For a place that people were supposed to remain calm and sane in, they promoted a lot of caffeine, offering tea and coffee at every meal time and drink time. I did start making a theory that the amount of caffeine through the day was to keep patients awake just due to the amount of medication that had the side effect of tiredness.

  • 8.30 Breakfast (meaning you had to be up before and dressed- difficult thing to do if you are used to getting up at 10, very high quality breakfast every day you have the choice between cereal and toast… there is a lot of toast in this place, if there is a bread shortage this place will go down in flames.)
  • 9am- Morning medication (Also if you weren’t up by this time you’d be woken up by staff. This is where you got a catch up on the latest gossip as you cued outside the treatment room… then you silently cursed if someone was in front of you had to go in and have a full work up- blood pressure readings done etc)
  • 10am Morning drink (A.K.A The first official caffeine dosage, well breakfast counted to properly waking me up this was an added extra)
  • 12pm Lunch (Hospital yumminess *Sarcasm*)
  • 3pm afternoon drink
  • 5pm dinner
  • 8pm evening drink + supper (A.K.A Hot Chocolate Tiiiime)
  • 9.30 pm nighttime drink
  • 10pm night time drug time (If you had sleeping tablets or like me the boringness of your day tired you out you were asleep shortly after this.)

 

Ok I know this wasn’t a hotel, holiday experience but I told my GP (Not the psychiatrist he’d have kept me in if I told him this)- the same one I told I’d rather rip out my ovaries than have kids so she knew how troubled my mind was- I wouldn’t plan to go back. The fact I nearly told one of the patients who I had a theory was in there due to mood issues that this wasn’t a hotel when she started using colourful language about being woken up. It wasn’t all bad either for patients like me I could go out after seeing one of the nurses just as long as I gave details on where I was going and when I’d be back, in simple terms the staff there were like over protective parents. You had to call them if something went wrong blah, blah, blah.

Light

It did its job I’m now in a better state than what I had been- I even got to the state where I was actually begging to be discharged. It was pointed out to me though, although being happy would get me points, I was bipolar so if I over acted it they’d assume I was going manic (Ultra happy) and I’d be kept in. So, if you ever ended up like I did in hospital, take all the advice you can get, even some from the patients who have been there what to them feels like years- one woman had been in and out of their for 20 years, I think I would have snapped at the 1 month point and ended up on a more secure ward so 20 years? That woman deserves a medal or something… happy sticker maybe?

Art work seen in this post is some of mine what I did in the ward (rest of my art work available on www.nightmarecat.co.uk– weirdly I plastic bags and cables were not allowed in the ward but I was allowed to keep pens and pencils… still trying to figure that one out… 

 

WWI Centenary Lights Out

“The lamps are going out all over Europe; we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime”.

Sir Edward Grey, Foreign Secretary , August 1914, as Britain’s Ultimatum to Germany was about to expire.

Edward_Grey_1914

At 10pm tonight we ask you all for just one hour to turn out the lights. Leave one candle or a single light on in memory of the beginning of WWI.

At 11pm on 4th August 1914 Great Britain joined the war changing lives forever.

BBC have commentary on until 11.05pm and there’s an app available called Light’s Out by Jeremy Deller.

Please join the country in remembrance.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR PATRICK STEWART!

Sir Patrick Stewart

A.K.A

Captain Jean Luc-Picard (Star Trek Next Generation)

A.K.A

Charles Xavier (X-Men, X-Men 2, X-Men Last Stand, The Wolverine (You have to watch past the credits for his part) and X-Men Days of Future past)

A.K.A

Bill Shakespeare (Gnomeo & Juliet)

A.K.A

Numerous roles in American Dad! and Family Guy

A.K.A

Sir Simon De Canterville (The Canterville Ghost)

A.K.A

Ebenezer Scrooge (Christmas Carol)

A.K.A

Numerous people in Theatre and works of Shakespeare

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Ok, just look at this list- http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001772/

 

He’s been in a lot…

Not that he is old.

Sir Patrick Stewart, he’s british, more importantly he’s from Yorkshire, that gives him the possibility of being immortal. If you look through photos of him through out his career he doesn’t seem to have aged… This proves he is immortal.

Born in 1940 Patrick Stewart will be celebrating his 74th birthday today, but since a young age Stewart has grown a career which most people will recognise one of the characters he is played or even aspects of his life- I’m talking about these pictures of him and Sir Ian McKellen on outings together (There was a point where they were all over my Tumblr page).

PS9 PS10

He can be considered a true role model, not just in the acting world but also for his charity work for Amnesty International where he spoke out against domestic violence, as he witnessed it first hand with his father physically attacking his mother.

 

It would take 74 years for me to write down all of his iconic and admirable actions and productions, so I’ll just tell you all to go watch something with Patrick Stewart in.

PS11

 

Cat’s Horror Movie Fest Part 2

Yes it’s been a while.

I’m not going to go into reasons… Let’s just put it down to Timey wimey wibbly wobbly stuff.

 

Insidious (2010) Insidieous 2

Ok, there was something about this movie, which made me want to watch, even though it did begin as one of those, “Stereotypical,” Humans move into new house then hauntings begin films. Also the ending was captivating enough that I went on to watch the sequel- Insidious 2.

Cas

So, family moves into new house, same as some other horror movies you have that annoying over protective mother, not sure if it’s just me, but I know if this was real life and happening to me it wouldn’t be the ghost driving me out of the house. There’s two kids, who are probably too young to know what is going on, but the film uses this to their advantage and there is the, “I’m all in charge dad,” Oh also there is a baby, which brings out more maternal insanity for the mother.

Scream

The interesting thing for this movie is, it’s sort of plays on people like me who believed this was going to be a typical, “They have moved into a haunted house film.” Which I loved. The new house is sort of a red herring as the hauntings come from the family itself, coincidence they just happened to move. Things start to unravel as one of their sons, slips into a, “Coma which isn’t a coma,” then a psInsideous 1ychic power gift is brought into the film along with the reason for why these demons are terrorizing the family.

Insidious, plays as a horror movie as it has demon possession and the threat to this family, there is creepy scenes where the ghosts and demons are playing with the family, leaving doors open, talking through baby monitors and this movie also brings to the scene a demon dimension which has to be entered.

 

As a fan of Supernatural (TV series) I also saw a hint of that in this movie, not just from the demon- Although as far as I remember there is no demon like that in the show- but there is the people they call in to help deal with these, “Hauntings,” Two guys come in to see if the house is haunted, and for me they reminded me of the early days of the two guys in, “Ghostfacers.”

Ghostfacers

GhostFacers

Insidious

Specs and Tucker from Insidious

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Favourite thing about this movie- the fact that they have managed to give the important factors- the demons, psychic/supernatural power side and the background history of the family enough attention and still made a pretty good movie.

Worst part of the movie-  The demon filing his nails, with a hardcore filer. I just can’t…. it’s like the equivalent of a serial killer reading Cosmo before going on another killing spree.

Annoying thing about the movie- the title- for me- is an awkward spelling word, I have to go back and sort out the red lines through this post, the fact that the sequel has the same name doesn’t make this any better.

Amusing part of this movie- The creepy thing from Saw (movies) makes an appearance-as the director and writer of Insidious is also the writer and director of the Saw movies. In the same scene the name, “Leslie Borchard,” Is written on the board, Leslie was the hair stylist in this movie.

Insideous post copy

 

 

Horror movie rating- 3/5

Overall movie rating- 4/5

 

 

 

A Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Cabin in the Woods

This movie, my first thoughts in the opening few minutes was, “Okay…” In horror movie ways, it reminded me of one of the first scenes of Resident Evil before the virus gets released and then as we all know, crap goes down. The movie has a massive plus, actor wise. Chris Hemsworth (Thor) and Jesse Williams (Avery in Grey’s Anatomy) But anyway I digress as I’m here to talk about horror movies not nice looking actors who – Possibly- have to die in this movie.

 

C.I.T.W Cast

There are five main characters, who some what resemble the characters of  he Scooby Doo series, unfortunately as the roles of the hippy and the leader are taken Jesse Williams will have to take up the role of Scooby Doo. It’s even more C.I.T.W ScoobyMystery Inc as it isn’t actually a proper haunted place, the weird scene at the beginning that involves a office building are the people controlling the supernatural stuff.

 

 

 

 

Overall, it is a good movie and it doesn’t involve hauntings! Which is a change, it’s more of a human sacrifice movie done with style and design. It does as the title says involve a Cabin in the Woods and it is from that creepy dwelling things start to get a bit more, “Horror movie,” and people, the typically portrayed college students, start to get killed off. Although I found it more funny than terrifying but the clever thing this movie does is you have the people who control the things find this thing funny too, so in a way this movie has something people can agree on.

Amused

 

 

C.I.T.W Unicorn

Best part of the movie- When all the monsters get unleashed

+ The unicorn stabbing a person

 

Worst part-  There is a trick part of the movie where you get the impression one of the characters dies (There is blood shown in one of the sacrifice tablets) but then that character turns out to be alive. The movie doesn’t tell exactly what happened and why there is blood in that tablet and why that blood got cancelled out.

 

Horror movie rating- 2.5/5

Overall movie rating – 3/5

 

 

Quarantine (2008)Qurentine

 

This one was recommended to me and I soon realised this was a movie which in the past I had started mid-way though and then left because lets just say if you don’t come in at it at the right point it can just seem like a lot of people running screaming in a building , which doesn’t sound like a good horror movie at all.

Quaren-minion

Quarantine is an infection outbreak zombie movie, the infection started off as rabies in dogs then turned to slowly infecting humans. It tried to be like these hot chick zombie fighting movies by dressing the main lady in tight clothing but I guess to make this more horror than action the woman doesn’t know what she is doing.

There are two main characters- a News reporter- Angela, who I have mentioned when this movie starts going starts panicking allover, and the camera man who is possibly only seen twice in this movie. One good thing about this movie is the perspective it is shown from as the film is shown through the camera/camera man which is constantly on record. I know that sort of thing has been done before but movies such as Paranormal Activity showed more amateur filming while this one the camera man is more stable.

It’s slow to start off as the film starts with the news crew first doing a documentary on the fire department- Angela goes about being all giggly and what’s this whats that? When if you know a journalist you would know a proper one would have done research. It gets to a point for 5 minutes in where you could just leave for another 5 minutes and you wouldn’t miss much, as much as you hope the fire station doesn’t end up being haunted or anything horror movie style.

Rollin cat

The movie finally gets going when the firemen gets called to an apartment building, and take the news crew along, for a screaming woman. I’m not entirely sure why the fire service was needed- the police called them in, they get there and no one even knows what state this woman is in, in Britain the police would have just handled it broken down the door then called for other services. Good thing something like Quarantine wouldn’t happen here. The old lady soon turns out to be creepy and begins to bite people and the CDC (Centre for Disease control) Sure are quick in this movie as they appear and seal off the building before anything is reported.Cumberbatch Fairy

It then turns out to be a typical zombie movies where the infected people and rats turn on the living till no one is left and the non-infected fight for survival hiding from the zombies and trying to get out even though they are locked in the building thanks to the US Government, who have also cut off the people inside the building’s communication with the outside world.

 

Best Part of the movie-

When one of the fire men comes back as a zombie and he is walking about with his leg practically hanging off.

When the camera man kills a zombie using the camera- after this we do briefly see the camera man for the first time as he cleans the lens.

Worst Part- Although it is better done than these other movies that tell the story from the victims point of view with a camera there is still an amateur feel to it where you can’t take the movie seriously, lots of things seem over done and I questioned the intelligence of the characters a lot- it takes nearly the entire movie for someone to remember there is a way out what the CDC might not have blocked off.

 

Overall Movie rating- 2/5 stars

Horror Movie rating- 2.5/5 stars

 

Annoying Quote-

“I told my mum I wanted to be a fire man, tonight I am living the dream.”

…Darling, you’re not exactly living the dream as you are a woman to be living your dream you need a sex change.

Facepalm

Cat’s- Horror- Movie Fest (part 1)

I know a lot of people crave food a lot of the time, but recently I’ve been wanting to watch horror movies.

invader zim Mighty need

So, I’m not entirely sure how this will work out, but I’ve bought a lot of horror movies, most of which have been made and released after 2000, and each of my Movie Fest posts, will include 3 of these horror movies- I’m open to any other horror movie suggestions, I will go and see if I can buy the movie and write about it, or even if you want to just recommend a horror movie you think is awesome, or particularly bad.

On the Cat’s horror movie fest (in no particular order) I should be reviewing.

  • The Grudge (Japanese Version)
  • The Grudge 2 (Japanese Version)
  • The Ring (Japanese Version)
  • The Ring 2 (Japanese Version)
  • Quarantine
  • Quarantine 2
  • Carrie (2013)
  • Silent Hill
  • Mama
  • We are what we are
  • Warm Bodies
  • The Cabin in the Woods
  • The Conjuring
  • The Descent
  • Insidious
  • Insidious 2
  • Sinister

I am not doing any of Paranormal Activity’s, Saw’s or Screams, just by the time I get though the whole 1-1000 of those movies and written about them I may actually asked to be possessed just to get away from them.

Part one’s 3 movies are-

Carrie, Warm Bodies and Sinister

 

Carrie (2013, remake)-

I’ve been told that the 1970’s version is better

This movie is based on the Stephen King novel- Carrie- The story tells of a shy girl trying to get though school with also a religious mother waiting for her at home. Stephen King seems to have accessed every bullying victims dark H.f pt1 Carrieimagination, given Carrie telekinesis and set her loose on her bullies. It’s one movie in two parts, the build up where the bullies have the floor, then of course typical American story, Prom happens that’s when everything changes Carrie seems as if she is possessed and practically burns the town down.

But really I don’t see this as a Horror movie; it was more like a revenge chick flick with supernatural powers. It’s a horror movie, without the ghosts or hauntings we seem to have a lot of today, I’d also like to see who finds this a horror movie, I think to some degree it’s more of a reality hit, those who have been bullied a lot have probably wished that they had some sort of power to get back at their predators. The psychological horror is that there are people out there who actually think like that, who are one step away from wanting to kill those who humiliate them.

Favourite part of the movie– when Carrie has the leader bully trapped in the car and fires it into the gas station.

+ The end scene where one of the girls has a nightmare of giving birth (She is pregnant) and a bloody hand burst through her abdomen

Worst Part of the Movie- The fact that the head teacher couldn’t say the word Period or Sanitary products (I mean come on).

+I watch Castle, now season 6, there is an episode what references this movie and I was thinking of that episode at certain points through out this.

Horror Movie rating

2/5 Stars.

Overall movie rating-

3.5/5 Stars.

 

Warm Bodies (2013)

I wasn’t sure if this actually is a horror movie but if you Google Horror Movies from 2013 this comes up so, I gave it a watch.

There is a reason; there has never been a Zombie, Human romance horror story. I think it is actually in someway a good, original idea but some of the awkwardness proves, It is wrong and I think this movie shows that. Sure there is no necrophilia (No, zombie human sexy H.f pt 1 w.btime) but the awkwardness of the human zombie relationship, just with the girl talking to the zombie guy and the guy falling in love with her, for me made this a horror film.

The movie shows two types of zombies. “Corpses,” Which are the sort of friendly zombies- Warm Bodies has done what Twilight did for Vampires. “Corpses,” Are the zombies which wander about not really able to think but the whole Resident Evil Zombie where the Zombies will hunt down every last shred of civilization doesn’t apply. “Boneys,” Are more like the traditional zombie where they will kill anything with a heartbeat, although really they look more like animated skeletons and in this movie they become the main villain.

The Humans and the Corpses join together to fight the boneys! Then we have a happily ever after. Yeah, apparently, the love conquers all thing now makes it into a, “Horror,” movie…

Thumbl-Stitch

Don’t believe Google when they say this is a Horror Movie, if this is a Horror movie they should put the Twilight Films on the relevant lists too. It is more of a twisted romance.

Cumberbatch Fairy

Best Part of the Film- I’ll admit the zombie guy, (“R,” As he ends up calling himself) voice over/commentary was pretty funny.

Worst Part- One part what annoyed me. Spoiler– R changes back, from zombie to something more living. He get’s shot in the chest. The girl (who is in love with him and he is in love her) Is more bothered about the fact he is bleeding so it shows the fact he is alive. He’s bleeding from being shot in the freaking chest, he might not be alive for freaking long if you don’t help him!!!

Horror movie rating-

1/5 stars.

Overall movie rating-

2/5 stars (It had some good special effects)

 

Sinister (2012)Emotion

Now this is what I call a horror movie. Anything that gets me hinking, “I might sleep tonight with the light on,”
Deserves an award.

I actually knocked this movie down a few expectations when it started, realizing it was one of those, humans move into a new house. I thought, chances were the house would be haunted, ghosts or demons will try to destroy humans lives, the mother wH.f pt1ould panic for her children while daddy boy got all macho and try to take on the world of the supernatural. Of course they would bring in some ghost hunters and one of them would have issues at first not believing in that kind of stuff blah blah.

But I was wrong.
Ok the parents still took up their roles. And I thought it was funny that the boy in this movie said he got bullied at his last school because his dad for a living goes around writing about real life crime. It’s funny because this kids hair is actually longer than some girl’s hair I know, so maybe he should factor that into why he is being bullied. The family move into a house where the family before them got hung outside on a tree, accept the youngest daughter who disappeared. The writer dad (Ellison) and the deputy of the town soon discover that the family who got hung had moved to that house but the house they had lived in before a family was killed too, same pattern a kid had disappeared and a pattern like that goes back to the 1960’s (Family moves into a new house but the previous family in the house they have just moved from would have been murdered but a child would have disappeared).

The boy has night terrors and ends up in all sorts of places (I mean it, he ends up in a box almost doing an exorcist style twist coming out of it screaming) Then there is the little girl who draws on walls. The father researches for his books finds all these spooky film reels which shows the murders happen and he soon discovers a creepy figure in all of them

H.f pt1 sini

Best Part of the film– Anytime Bughuul or the creepy children appeared.

+ Ellison falls through the loft; he mentions to the deputy that he heard footsteps. The deputy put it down to squirrels.

Gir clapping

Worst part of the film– I can’t really remember any truly bad bits.

Horror movie rating-

4.5/5 Stars

Overall movie rating-

4.5/5 Stars

 

Seriously, if you want a horror movie. Watch Sinister!

Psychology- Voice Dialogue

Voice Dialogue. 31st March, 2nd and 3rd of April.

I was recently invited to do some training involving around auditory hallucinations, which took an approach didn’t take an almost, “Frankenstein monster.” View to the voices. Ok, you reading this might be thinking but we don’t chase down those who have Hallucinations with pitch forks and torches.

Think about how much you know about mental health

MooseOr

Rethink how people view those who experience those things that are viewed to be, “Not there.”

Sure, we have got past the stage where those who hear voices are not accused of witchcraft and shunned permanently from society. However, most theories and ways of, “Coping,” With hearing voices are based around getting rid of them. It’s not the person who gets shunned from society, but the voice. If you are a patient that hears voices, chances are you will be put on medication which could block the voice, it’s not exactly a permanent solution, if the medication does block the voice it’s basically like sweeping dust under a rug, no one can see it but if you take off the rug it still will be there and it will get into the room. We got a manual with the training, which also stated, “Medication in the long term reduces emotionality… it can diminish recovery prospects in the long term.”

Voice DialoguPsychosise training, ran by York University, does the opposite of what most therapies do. The training doesn’t involve trying to get rid of the voice/voices but work with them. Along with medication someone who experiences auditory hallucinations may also be taught distraction techniques, which in a way, is getting the voice hearer to ignore the voice/sound.
Voice dialogue, sort of gets you to see the voice as a real person, one of the main things brought up again and again though out the three days training was, “The voices are real,” voice hearer’s were told to look back into their histories to work out when the voices start, the training goes by there is some trauma/overwhelming experience that triggered the voice/voices, this was part of a, “Voice Profile,”- Well if others (A.K.A the Psychiatric nurses etc,) who were there, were going to treat these voices like real people they needed to know things about them, also it built up a relationship. It also got the voice hearer to open up more about the voice, as conditions such as schizophrenia and psychosis are often associated with a, “Mad,” Label, voices aren’t often talked about in the outside world because it is believed that, “Voices are a meaningless symptom of mental illness.” It is important to get details of when the voices started and details of the voice as the training is based on research done by Romme and Escher who acknowledged there is a connection between someone’s life story and the voices.

The training and also Romme and Escher’s research also tells what the voices are saying may not be what they mean, there may be a case a violent voice may just be protecting the person or to say something else.

As an example of this, a children’s story (amusingly it was actually one of the speakers children who told him the story 9780747576419and he put it together and told us)- The Selfish Crocodile by Faustin Charles- was told, we all had different interpretations of it.

The story told of a grumpy crocodile who no one would approach, as he wouldn’t let anyone near the river. However, one day the crocodile was in pain due to a bad tooth and no one helped him because they were scared of him. A mouse was brave enough and went inside the mouth of the crocodile and took out his bad tooth, helping the crocodile. The crocodile then started to realise how mean he had been and began to get along. The story told to some people that maybe if the voice was a bad one maybe it just needed some kindness, maybe it is hurt or it just needs to be acknowledged and helped for it to change. Consider how you would feel and how you would view things if you were constantly ignored. The voices for some people started off as a good thing but some change and this might be because voice hearers are told to in non-specific ways to ignore the voices.

selfish-crocodile

The theory of voice dialogue takes into consideration that the voices mean something and are connected to the trauma that people have suppressed. The theory that, “Every individual consists of different selves each with its own history and opinions.” In a way, it’s kind of like Darwin’s theory of evolution; each species has physical characteristics that they have disowned in order to survive. The voice dialogue model takes a similar approach to personalities such as an independent person may have disowned the part of them what wants to rely fully on others. As the brain is a complicated thing these traits don’t disappear f
ully, it’s not like physical evolution where that part has just dropped off or grown, the traits, which are often opposite to the ones we show, get hidden in the subconscious unable to appear.

In the training we were told to write down characteristics in the people we hate. The theory brought up the characteristics we hate in others are actually because they are opposite to the ones we have, or there was even a case where someone realised they had some of the traits what they hated in that person. In relation to the hallucinations, voice dialogue brought out the idea that it is these traits we have disowned talking, some discovered that the voice held the characteristics of traits they hated or even traits they wished they had. This built up more of a profile, which turned out to be really effective, to help both the listener and the worker, when it came to later in the training. Take into consideration the Selfish Crocodile- the idea that the voices just want attention and help and take into consideration the traits you have disowned. If you have disowned a angry pessimistic trait the trauma could speak using your disowned traits, but the voice may say something like, “It’s not worth it, there is no point, just kill yourself,” But it is actually the pessimistic personality trait telling you that and in truth it probably means the opposite, well your conscious personality would have told you different. Not all hated or disowned personality traits will appear in the voice/voices but often the voice may appear angry because the voice has been repressed. Voice Dialogue training goes about helping people talk to their voices, or getting others to help the hearers talk to the voices to relieve that anger.

Ramblings1

Just throw a computer across the room

Details of the voices were written down, workers soon got to know the age/ages of the voices and the age and circumstances of when the voice appeared for the voice hearer, if the voice were male, female, mixed or just a sound, if weirdothe voice appears in a specific mood or situation- angry mood/stressful situation, how the voices makes the voice hearer feel- do they feel afraid of the voice? Do they trust him/her/it?

Although these three days were intensive it was important each person took breaks and took things slowly, as some of the voices may find the situation hostile as they are being talked about, in detail, which ok they may be angry that the voice hearer doesn’t really acknowledge them but it puts them in a whole new situation when you have two/more people situation acknowledging them. In the end the voice hearer can’t get away from the voice, so at the end of the days it was asked what everyone was doing, it was recognised the voices may not like what the hearers were doing the hearer could be listening to threats or complaints about the actions.

 

When it came to talking to the voices, it was important to get the voices permission before anyone started asking questions. The hearer had answered about details about the voice, but for some to could be a different thing asking the voice something directly, especially if the voice is hostile, it can be distressing for the hearer and provoke the voice. It could be a new experience for the worker and the hearer if the voice has never openly talked before, the voice could talk through the hearer, “The voice says…” Or directly to the worker, (The person just repeats or says with the voice what it’s saying.) It gave a chance for the voice to really talk about what he/she thought, say their side of the story. Yes, they may answer angrily but it is an important thing for the worker to remember they should not answer in a similar tone, it may be human nature, “Fight or flight,” that someone fights against you, you may get the urge to fight or run away, but in this case it is important for the worker attempt to end the dialogue on a calm note.
Spider

Overall, I feel like this method actually has a chance of working if the people are trained properly and if of course the patient and the voice is willing. Like any method the voice may feel threatened, they don’t want to be gotten rid of. There has been good feedback on patients who have had voice dialogue.

The method not only distinguishes a relationship between the hearer and the voice, it explores the voice’s underlying motives and almosts get’s the hearer to see the voice as an actual person, seperate from them.

For some patients it can set up a schedule, if the voice particually isn’t ready to work towards change yet, e.g. change of attitude, but it still continues talking. The method puts in the patient as an individual, they have the ability to control these voices, so they can say, “I’ll try to talk to them for about 30 minutes a day only.” Therefore, a relationship still is in progress but the patient may feel less stressed and more in control. It also helps the voice gradually know who is in control, with voice dialoge (talking to the voice) It is hoped we will find out why the voice is there so change can be initiated. Almost like the voice will get therapy not the hearer.

It also helps improve the stigma of mental health. It promotes to people that these voices aren’t a symptom of, “Crazyness,” And also can help take away the, “Murderous psychopath in where the voices told them to do it.” I think it’s also important that if voice dialouge does work the person will become less dependant on medication, I know from experiance it’s a hassle remembering to take my mood stabilisers once a day, hence they put me on longer lasting ones so the medication stops in my system longer. But not all medications have a longer lasting edition, in some cases it just takes one or two forgotten tablets and things start to effect you more.

 

I’ve tried to keep people’s names out of this for confidentialty reasons, but in the training there was evidence that this method would work. However, this method isn’t as popular as methods such as Cognitive Behahavioural Therapy or Biological methods- medication, so it isn’t readily avaliable in most places.

 

Training given by The University Of York Department of Health Science

Lecturers-

Rob Allison

Anita Savage Grainge

Gavin Lawton

 

The Hunger Games VS Battle Royale

hungergamesMost of you will have heard of this big-  epic- movie series/ Book trilogy called The Hunger Games. I admit I haven’t read the books, I do plan too. The books consist of 1. The Hunger Games, 2. Catching Fire and 3. Mocking Jay. Movies for books 1 and 2 are out, I have seen them, but I don’t know how it ends. I can theorise it will either end with the lead female protagonist Katniss and the “rebellion,” kicking butt or the whole world just imploding in on it’s self. No one tell me although chances are when it comes to nearer the time I will look it up on Wikipedia.

There are a lot of Dystopia books now out there, the vampire fetish is now over and I think writers are now thinking the next best thing is to destroy society completely and start over, part of me is amused if that is the plan.

But going past all the awesome Zombie movies, Mutation films, world being taken over by computers, the world ending because people got too fat- Looking at you Wall.e. Basically, if there is even the smallest chance it could destroy the world and restructure society the human race has put it into a plot line and made it into a movie.

There is a movie out there which is based on a similar sort of thing to the Hunger Games.

 

Battle Royale, is a live action movie based on a novel and manga (haven’t read the book or the manga, but if it is anything like the movie, I will find it funny.) Apparently there is a sequel movie I just can’t seem to find it.

The Hunger Games plot line is based around a nation called Panem, there is the wealthy Capitol, which stuffs it’s face,

hungergames Katniss

Jennifer Lawrence plays Katniss

while the 12 poorer districts it rules go hungry and work themselves to death. In comes this thing called, “The Reaping,” at random a girl and boy between the ages of 12-18 from each district will be chosen to compete in, “The Hunger Games.” Where they fight to the death, only one can win. For District 12 the home of Katniss and Peeta (the male protagonist for the movie- also the guy who gets chosen to compete). There name gets pulled out of lottery my Effie Trinket- those who haven’t seen the movie, you don’t have to look far it’s the woman with freaky hair and really elaborate makeup and clothing.

hungergames tributes

 

12 districts = 24 people (“Tributes.”) entered into the Hunger Games. 1 winner. Weapons are provided only they have to battle for them as well- well, it’s more like a race, there’s a pile of weapons in the middle of the starting circle.

 

The reason the districts have to sacrifice two young adults is this is penance, so basically it’s sort of like todays world where the government say not only do we make sure you don’t really have enough to live on, but we will also make sure you’re children don’t as well!

As entertainment, the rest of the world gets to watch the mass slaughtering of teenagers killing each other, if they survive they apparently get fame and wealth. Truthfully, in the future this could replace, “Big Brother.”

 

Battle_royale

Battle Royale plot line again involves putting teenagers up for sacrifice, only the sacrifice for this film involves school classes being picked. They are thrown into an Island with a bag. The bag should have essentials such as water and some random weapon, I mean random it could be a gun or it could be a pan lid.

Battle Royale1

Those who have seen Death Note the live action films. Yes that is the guy who plays Light

The reason for the schools giving up classes of students, the nation collapsed there was no chance of a job and students began skipping school and adults became afraid of the young adults. So, apparently it became ok to get the students to kill each other off, it’s a fight to the death where only one person can win. The students can kill each other off but there is control from the main control room (there is one in The Hunger Games too, this is where everything is watched including where about the young adults are, each idea involves trackers) Students in Battle Royale are fitted with collars which will explode if students are in, “The Danger Zone,” This is explained to the students by a weirdly happy Japanese woman, who is wearing a collar herself, via video. The danger zones are part of the island which get cornered off, the collars have trackers in them so people in the control room will know where they are.

Battle Royale

Although the ideas behind both novels/movies look similar, as both of them involve a dystopia where the younger generation are chosen to fight to the death in a controlled environment. There are some differences- despite the obvious one with one been in English the other is Japanese. For me The Hunger Games has a more serious storyline. Battle Royale in someway seems like a string of death (Half which are actually funny, really, the time it takes some of the students to die from things such as being shot in the chest…) with a story line. There is a hint of romance in Battle Royale but I think this is because it’s more of a boy film it’s more filled with violence and death. The Hunger Games, I think is a movie for all genders you have romance in there, the death which is involved is more obvious that it’s a fight for survival, the movie is set at a different pace where it isn’t just death after death. The Hunger Games is based in a longer storyline within its self (Which is shown in the movie) We see want for the society to get out of the District regime where they are at the bottom, whereas Battle Royale the Millennium Educational Reform Act (BR Act) there is no real intent of the students over throwing it. It’s a dystopia movie but we only see the effect what it has on the students what get put on the island

 

I recommend both movies, both are hits. Ok, I wouldn’t recommend Battle Royale if you are squeamish at the sight of blood, but if you are like me and find that sort of thing funny I really recommend it.

Odds

Late Night Ramblings of an Asexual.

Asexy2

This is me sort of coming out. A few other people- including some other Asexuals- know. I am a sexual orientation known as Asexual.

 

Ok, so some people reading this will probably be thinking, “WTF is that?” Or something along the lines of, “Isn’t that a scientific thing where the they reproduce by themselves?”

This for me, is why it’s harder to explain and tell people.

Homosexuals and Bisexuals you know who they are, they are more known and wrongly discriminated against. Asexuals, it’s believed only 1% of the worlds population are so and then there is an argument on whether there is just a problem with the person/their sex drive.

Asexuality is basically, I see it as being opposite of Bisexual, I don’t experience sexual attraction.

Now that doesn’t mean asexuals can’t have a relationship like the other orientations do. Asexuals are not destined to live alone. Ok, some people find it strange I actually like my alone time- I’m a self-confessed Spinster and Hermit I live alone I’m happy being alone, but that’s because it’s awkward explaining to others in a romantic relationship if you want to take this to the next level, there will be a chance I will run screaming. That’s my reaction though, chances are the more calm way of doing it is saying I’m not interested you can either cope with that, I might be willing later on in the relationship or you can leave. Reality, Leave me by myself with a computer and cake, you’ll find me happier than what any man or woman could make me.

Gir Cupcake

 

There is a difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction.

Romantic attraction is more to do with love and attachment, sort of who we are attracted too to date, some Asexuals find themselves more romantically attracted to a specific gender, like sexual orientation, although this case it’s not who we are attracted too to have sex with. There are a few but the more common ones are Aromantic, not being romantically attracted to any gender (I think the definition of this sounds a bit mean, it makes them sound like they might hate everyone, but the aromantics I’ve met are awesome people) Bi-romantic being romantically attracted to both genders. Homo-romantic being attracted to same gender or Hetro-romantic, being romantically attracted to opposite gender. I more relate to the bi-romantic that doesn’t mean I’m bisexual though, it’s more I see males and females the same amount of attractive, it doesn’t mean I will sleep with them

Asexuals can still experience romantic attraction and see people attractive, it gets awkward/slightly funny for me because there are times where I will say something meaning it as a friendly compliment but to another person they will think I’m flirting. There are times where I’ve had to say I’m not a lesbian because of some misunderstanding. I can say, “Oh he looks nice,” but truthfully that will be it, I don’t have any plans to have fantasies or whatever.  Asexuals can still have a normal relationship though, it’s not like we live like nuns, Ok, there are some who will say they won’t have sex or that the act disgusts them. The physical side of the relationship for most people is seen as important so if the relationship is worth is some compromise might be made

For Asexuals, a relationship is just based less on the physical side. It’s not celibacy, we aren’t choosing to abstain from sex, I think for most of us it’s just we don’t see people that way. You can’t really get a heterosexual person to have sex with someone of the same sex. Take BBC’s Sherlock series 2 episode one- A Scandal in Belgravia, Sherlock was faced with an attractive naked woman, he didn’t even seem bothered. It’s a similar case with other Asexuals; if I were faced with a naked person I’d cringe, not be bothered or fall into a fit of giggles finding the whole situation funny. There’d be no sexual, “I want to procreate with you!” Attraction there.

Asexy3It doesn’t mean we really turn our noses up at sex either, todays society you can’t get away from it, if being asexual meant we’d be disgusted at every sexual image or advertisement we’d probably never get out and keep ourselves in rooms. I openly admit (and my sister Natalie will back me up) I tend to read a lot of erotica (Or as we call it here at Well Did You Evah, Kinky Fuckery) and through that I may be Asexual but I have a lot of useless knowledge on BDSM. It’s an interest it doesn’t mean I want to do those things. If you read up on serial killers you aren’t going to go on a murder spree, the only thing you get is more knowledge… and a few laughs.

This may seem like I’ve gone on, coming out, as Asexual might not to some people be as big as coming out as gay, I mean if I want to be honest on most forms on the sexual orientation part, I usually end up putting, “Prefer not to say,” Or have a long debate on if I should put I’m bi or straight, which honestly is fun… not. So, some parts of society don’t even see us as a real thing, people are slowly starting to recognize Sherlock (BBC) and Sheldon (The Big Bang Theory) as being Asexual. There are fingers crossed there might be some more awareness about this.

But this is who I am, this isn’t a phase, I’ve sort of known since I was 16. I wear a black ring around my right middle finger (a sort of symbol in the asexual community) to remind and show it and importantly I’m comfortable with who I am.

Asexy1

Asexy and you know it

Website commonly known as AVEN-

http://www.asexuality.org/home/