Angela Lansbury Takes to the stage at Beauty and the Beast 25th Anniversary Showing

Disney’s Beauty and the Beast is 25 years old this year. Scary I know. It’s my all time favourite Disney film and it’s one of the first Disney films I can ever remember watching.

piekna-bestia-romantyczne-sceny-75805

To celebrate this big milestone Disney have released a 25th Anniversary special of the film that includes some amazing sounding special features! There is fun facts,  a few recording sessions and commentary from the directors. I’ll definitely be buying it!

Some cinemas in the US have also done special screenings and the lucky audience at the Lincoln Centre, beauty-and-the-beast_79535_5New York got an amazing surprise from none other than Mrs. Potts herself Dame Angela Lansbury! The first time I saw this I smiled the whole way through, I still smile all the way through now. Angela certainly still has the singing voice and she’s still my Mrs. Potts even if the cast has changed for the live action version.

So for your viewing pleasure here’s Dame Angela Lansbury singing the amazingly beautiful Beauty and the Beast from 1991’s Beauty and the Beast. Isn’t she adorable?!

Advertisements

High Society (1956)

60 years ago this week (17th July 1956) an amazing film was released. It’s the type of musical film that will probably always make it onto the greatest musical films and for very good reason. It is, in fact, one of my favourite musicals of all time. This film is High Society.

la-et-celeste-holm-a-life-in-pictures-gallery-003

I’m always shocked by how few people have ever heard of or seen this film because it brings some of the best actors and musicians of Old Hollywood together to portray a retelling of the very famous The Philadelphia Story. Now I’m not saying Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant and James Stewart didn’t do the original justice because they totally rocked the film but when you have the likes of Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra together in a script that is funny and musically ingenious you know it’s going to be a film to talk about.

224265256413693233RDl7GbVXcIt’s always been a special film to me because it was Grace Kelly’s last ever film before she married Prince Rainier of Monaco and basically became a fairytale princess. In the film she plays a wealthy soon to be married socialite and yet we see her try to please her family and eventually go back to her ex-husband who she still loves. The film may be a musical comedy but the relationships and emotions involved in the film seem very normal.

The songs themselves tell a story and are very memorable, that’s why we named our blog after a High Society song. The song “Who Want’s to Be a Millionaire?” is sung by Sinatra and Celeste Holm and they make it a funny yet romantic song because they don’t want yachts or other expensive items they just want each other. The funnier thing is Sinatra’s character doesn’t even realise Holm has a crush on him.

You’ll also notice Louis Armstrong in the film with his band and how different his music is to the rest of the film. This brings a freshness because all his songs are fun and make you pay attention.

So what’s not to love? Excellent actors who may not have gotgrace-kelly-bing-crosby-frank-sinatra-high-society-1956 on in real life but have a great relationship on screen (Crosby kept his distance from Sinatra during production) A lovely vocal performance from Kelly and a great scene in French. Great songs and great musical talent to write and perform the songs which means the songs will be remembered more than the films.

Some musicals can become boring or not seem relevant to the time and we find them being consigned to the archives yet High Society as withstood society’s changes. It actually teaches us about love and relationships while reminding us of people’s standing in society and how we need to be our own person. 60 years on it’s still a watchable fun film that you’ll want to watch again and again.

Late Night Ramblings of a Girl Who’s Country is Sadly Leaving the EU

In 1973 Britain finally joined the European Economic Community.

Yesterday 52% of the country decided they’d had enough and wanted to leave the EU. These voters all have their own reasons and good on them for being one of the 72% of the population that voted but for those of us who don’t want to leave the EU community we’re shocked at the outcome and worried for our futures.

_90084391_hi033682615

Today, the day after what Nigel Farage deemed “Independence Day”, we’re watching from behind our fingers at the fallout from this vote. This morning definitely woke us up and the information being thrown at us throughout the day as ensured we won’t have a good nights sleep for weeks.

Now even though we’ve voted to leave we won’t officially be out on our own for at least 2 years. This is because of Article 50. This official sounding phrase is a rule in the Lisbon Treaty that, if enacted, starts the process of a country leaving the EU. After David Cameron resigned as the Prime Minister today he made it clear he wouldn’t be the one to invoke the article; the next PM would, giving us until at least October for it to get going. We will then see two years of “negotiating” between us and the other 27 EU countries on things like trade deals, imports and exports, immigration and expats and simple things like healthcare for holiday goers. If we get this sorted in two years we’re good to go if not we can possibly get an extension.

This is obviously long winded and leaves us in the dark for a while. We will suffer financial difficulties even though the Governor of the Bank of England, Mark Carney, as made £250 billion available to the banks so they’re definitely prepared. The stock exchange is slowly rising after this morning’s shock result and currency is slowly moving in the right direction.

You’ll probably hear a lot about referendums in the coming weeks and months and CaptureJPGlooking at how different areas voted there is good reasons why. All 32 areas in Scotland voted to remain in the EU but would have to leave with us unless they gained independence. This could be in the pipeline but probably won’t happen until Article 50 is wrapped up. There’s also been an indication that London Mayor Sadiq Khan is not happy with London leaving the EU. The majority of London voted to stay and were in the top 10 of highest remain votes (Gibraltar topped with 96%) Imagine if London did get the option to host a referendum, what would happen to Parliament? There could also be the rumblings of referendums in Europe so far France and The Netherlands have voiced a may do of an in-out vote.

We’ve heard from world leaders who are shocked but willing to work to keep a good relationship with us but how long will this last when we put our demands on the table? Our love/hate relationship as been there since we joined and it won’t be going anywhere in the last 2 years. Whoever becomes the next PM will have to have their head screwed on to get the country through the negotiations intact and hopefully all of Great Britain and Northern Ireland still together as a great nation. They’ll also have to try their damnedest to keep Spain from co-owning Gibraltar and Ireland from merging into one. Good luck!

We’re in for a long, tough ride which will see everything we know change and maybe not for the better but until the ball gets rolling and we come out the other end an independent country we have to keep our heads clear and keep an eye on all the situations because it will all affect our lives in some way, and our sanity.

 

 

International Women’s Day 2016

tumblr_n25foh6aDg1qc4uvwo1_1280

Ladies and gentlemen! Today is a pretty awesome day for all the sexes. Today is a day where we appreciate women, where we strive for equality, talk feminism, and basically tell the world why ladies are kick ass and why our issues matter. Each IWD has a different focus and this years is to focus on the Planet 50-50 by 2030 which is a United Nations backed scheme to help see women gain better equality and prospects by the Transforming our world: the 2030 Agenda for Sustainable Development comes around in 2030.

56c4be02e74370e73f0f7876e318fa63As you’ve probably seen a lot of the British (and worldwide) press and media organisations are really taking to the subject of today and Twitter and other social networks are all aflutter with you lovely people joining in. We’re seeing the Guardian have a live blog and asking people ‘What does equality mean to you?’ The Independent have a pretty cool 10 ways you can make a difference article that takes into account the likes of donating to rape charities and looking at everyday chores in the household and see who does them most. I really like Google’s doodle for the day and the hashtag they’ve created #OneDayIWill It really gets us involved and they’ve also got some videos of women from all over the world doing things we might not necessarily see as feminine just drilling in what International really means!

We at Well Did You Evah thought we’d try something a bit different. We could talk about equality and feminism till the cows come home. I could tell you how it’s going to take about 118 years for the gender pay gap to become level or how women in some countries still don’t have their basic rights and needs met. I could tell you about how in this country a lot of careers still have a large ratio of male to women staff and don’t get me started on the top jobs.

Parliamentar-seats-graphic

The ratio of women in political power compared to men

After seeing what others have been writing about today we thought we’d stick with actual women who have made a difference, are making a difference or are just so cool we’re proud to have them be the same sex as us. We’re going to pick figures from history, actresses, writers and artists and most definitely throw a few in their who you may not have thought of but we think deserve to be in the mix. This in no way means no one else should be on our list, we’re just picking the ones we shortlisted because to begin with we could have created an entire month.

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

This will give us a few days worth of posts so, drum roll please, we’d like to introduce you to Well Did You Evah’s Ladies week!

Happy Birthday Blonde Bombshell Jean Harlow

105 years ago the actress Harlean Carpenter was born. She would go on to become the well loved actress Jean Harlow

tumblr_o3g7tjzcuy1thgyhyo1_500

In this stunningly beautiful actresses short life the public saw her rise from the ashes of critically unsuccessful films to staring opposite the greats such as Clark Gable and Spencer Tracey. She had friendships people envied, a career that remained strong when the Depression set in and mega stars like Greta Garbo and Joan Crawford were waning and she can be credited with being the inspiration behind Marilyn Monroe’s trademark hair.

Harlow was known for her catching laugh and versatility to act tumblr_nn27itkJhG1qe4ru4o1_500in any film she wanted to. This made her a much wanted icon in Hollywood and made her the type of woman people wanted to be. She swapped regularly from serious to comedy films and it’s this genre she’s probably best known for.
In her 10 year film career she made 36 films and was mostly recognised on and off the screen for her peroxide blonde hair making her one of the first blonde bombshells to grace the screen. Before this you’ll typically note most of the lead actresses had dark hair.

Of course there was the bad moments, like in any Hollywood stars life. Harlow was married three times, the longest lasting for 2 years. She found the love of her life with William Powell but sadly before they could ever be married she became ill with kidney failure which resulted in her death at the age 0f 26. There are plenty of rumours surrounding her death the most famous being that she died of a result of peroxide poisoning.

All her films are worth watching. She was a great actress that even when ill managed to get the films finished and premiered to great success. Even her last film Saratoga was finished well with body doubles when she died during shooting.

giphy-2

Jean Harlow would be remembered forever for being the blonde bombshell that paved the way for change in Hollywood. She became the first actress to grace the cover of Life magazine and she would always be famous for her grace and poise on and off the screen.

 

Quite possibly one of the best on screen partnerships ever.

Late Night Ramblings of a Girl Who’s (Insert Appropriate Feelings Here)

The title might be confusing and that’s because I, myself, am confused. I’m being told I’ll feel better and yet I’m still waiting for this better state of mind to make it’s visit. It’s like waiting for the end of the world.

tumblr_o2xyfgMezo1uqf03zo1_1280This is the first time depression as struck me badly since I started my new job 4 months ago so I’m scared of how to act and what to say. Will anyone notice that I’m different to how I usually am? I feel like curling up in a ball and doing nothing. This is what I did on Saturday and now I feel even worse because I wasted an entire day and didn’t go out for Cat’s birthday like we planned. It also doesn’t help that my endometriosis as flared up and I feel like my stomach is being ripped apart.

Everything’s built up and it’s hit me all at once like it always does. You’d think i’d be used to this sneak attack by now but I never ever learn. I feel better for a while and then slowly, ever so slowly, things go back to that deep dark place that I never seem to find a way out of. I feel bad for feeling that way and I feel so hopeless that I self harm. People still don’t understand that I feel better then. It helps until someone gives me a sad look which makes me feel pathetic. I really don’t need your looks of disgust. I need your help and support. I need someone to stand by me and NOT tell me everything will be okay. Don’t ever tell me that. It just makes you a liar and gives me false hope.

tumblr_o1tmh8hfgd1u70edno1_500

I was talking to my friend Tom who’s a doctor in Australia he’s helping me see a bit of light this time. He’s also helping me deal with my fear of applyingcharlie-brown-depressed to do a postgraduate degree. I’ve been thinking about it for sometime and feel I’m worthless so won’t be able to do it. I look at the application form and have a mini panic attack. My mind tells me I won’t be able to handle it and my depression will make it even worse. I’m actually excited to get doing something and be occupied by studying again. I just have to find appropriate references and hope for the best.

This is what depression does to me. I’m worthless, petty and pathetic. A lot of the time I feel useless and sometimes when I don’t grasp something new I feel like I’ll never get it. I know we all feel like this at times but imagine feeling like this most of the week. Then add nervousness in to the mix. It’s true folks, Natalie is a wreck.

I will feel better soon but until then I need to push myself to fill out those forms and try not to worry about the small things. I also need to move off the sofa else there’ll be an imprint of me there forever and I’m running out of tv to watch.

What Really Happened That Week We Went To Brussels

This week we went to Brussels for 4 days. They were a quite good four days filled with shopping, food, museums and rain. Lots of damn rain.

We took photos as evidence of our epic journey. We didn’t document the rain because that would be stupid and at one point we were being pelted by football sized hail (might be a tad exaggerated). As Cat quite rightly puts it we experienced The Day After Tomorrow in weather conditions, that’s NOT an exaggeration. But enough about the weather!

IMG_0311On the Eurostar on the way to Brussels Mama paid for us to be upgraded to Standard Premier… The difference between the norm and this is amazing. You feel all posh as they bring you a meal to your table, they balance a tiny tray with your coffee cup, milk and sugars in one hand while pouring your coffee from a snazzy coffee pot in the other hand. Oh and the train is moving.

We stayed in a lovely penthouse near Grand Place. Such a stunning place owned by a lovely couple who had great tastes in the antique area.IMG_0318 This meant we could buy in and cook our own food which led me onto Cheese Fondue flavoured crisps… I’m still undecided on them. Speaking of food we all know what Belgium is famous for. If it’s escaped your attention it’s chocolate, beer, chocolate, waffles, chocolate and chips. We bought lots and lots of chocolate. We also bought some beer.

One of the nicest places to go walking (when it’s not raining loads) is near the Hotel D’Ville and the Grand Place. This is a beautiful courtyard type square that in summer is filled with vendors selling flowers and the likes. At this time of year it was quieter even with the tourists bustling around. You can also have horse drawn carriage rides from here and there’s a Starbucks and a tourist information centre. On the first night we actually ate in this area… We went to Hard Rock Cafe where you can get some very decent American food served by wonderfully friendly staff who aren’t afraid to sit down and have a chat with you. I know you don’t go on holiday to eat the same food but we make it our mission to go to the Hard Rock Cafe wherever we go so we had to do it.

IMG_0321

On the second day it rained. A lot. We walked up rue du Neuve which is a pedestrianised street full of high street stores. It can get quite busy but it’s worth a browse. We also had breakfast in one of my favourite cafe’s in Brussels. It’s a little place called Peck 47. They do gorgeous smooth coffee, excellent blends of fruit juices and some stunning food. I had Eggs Benny and Cat had Eggs Hemmigway. The Benny came wth loads of crispy bacon and really set me up for the day. We carried on shopping and buying chocolate after that then we went back to the flat to have a picnic and allow me to get some work done. There was a reason why I had to go to Brussels, journalism waits for no man.

Thursday may be the most profound awe inspiring day of my life. It rained a lot of the day, not all though! Then the meteorite hail came and I saw someone knocked out by it (I’m joking, it was probably close though) First off we went to BelVue museum which, when it’s open, is a lovely little museum about the history of Brussels and Belgium. It’s currently being refurbished though so we went to the Coudenburg part instead. This is a museum under BelVue.filename-img-0339-jpg

It’s the old Royal palace and as some amazing archaeological history to it. It won’t be everyones cup of tea but it is worth having a look around. Even if it’s just to watch the big door swing closed and shut you in. An even better part is finding your way out. You do get a map but when you’re that deep underground that you have no phone signal and you realise they’ve installed toilets and seats it can make you feel a little unnerved about the situation.

After this we had lunch in Green Kitchen their lovely restaurant/ cafe. Here everything is freshly made on the day and you can create your own salads or pick from the ready made quiches, sandwiches and soup. It really is a great place to go eat, most of the museums have great food selections to them and usually have great deals on.

IMG_0326We then took a leisurely, rainy, walk down to the European Parliament. This is where I work a lot of the time when I’m in Brussels. If you get a chance I would highly recommend the guided tours they have on. They must be one of the only working Parliament buildings in the world that gives almost full access to tour groups and the tours are available in the corresponding languages to the 24 countries in the EU.

Behind the EU building you’ll find the Science Museum which contains rocks, shiny rocks, sparkly rocks and DINOSAURS. Everything from big dinosaurs to tiny dinosaurs. The kids and school groups that were there seemed to be really enjoying it. I liked the dinosaurs too.

You might be wondering what part of my day was awe inspiring.IMG_0337 Well I met a certain little boy. A certain little NAKED Boy who is doing something that some people might laugh at and other people might be disgusted by. Yep I went and found the Mannekin Pis or as we Brits call him the Pissing Boy. This little boy is on souvenirs all over the city and is well worth the effort to find him and join the crowds to have a selfie with. At certain times of the year the locals like to dress him up in appropriate clothing so it’s fun to see what state of undress he’s in. As I mentioned he was in his birthday suit when I visited him.

I might add that me and Cat went to one of our favourite museums in Brussels on the Wednesday… The Belgian Comic Strip Centre. They have some awesome permanent exhibitions showing all the best of Belgian comics including the Smurfs. They look at the progression of the comic and how digital art as changed what we read and look at in todays comics. They also have a floor of temporary exhibitions which on this visit were the works of Fred Jannin and Jean-Pol. Take my word for it you’ll be smiling the whole way around the exhibitions and it’ll really open your eyes to the Belgium contribution to the comic world.

IMG_0330

I had fun on my Brussels adventure I ate lots of yummy food including, sushi and waffles. In fact I didn’t buy anything but food and drink. Oh wait I bought a flat pack t-shirt. I have a new found love for the French language because I really don’t get Dutch.

So as I write this from my Standard Premier seat on the Eurostar to London, in which we’ve literally just exited the euro tunnel to the great British sunshine (Fuck me there’s no rain!), the first message I receive on my iPhone to alert me I’m back on British soil is not a hello from my service provider but an alert about Jeremy Hunt, I realise I’ve had a pretty good week. Not all work, not all play but there’s lots of chocolate to eat and a naked boy to smile at on my photo album.

IMG_0343

 

  • We travelled to Brussels Midi Station from St Pancras International with Eurostar and booked our accommodation through Airbnb. Other alternatives are available.
  • There are plenty more places to eat and museums to go to in Brussels. We just wanted to show you the variation there is in the city and some of our favourites.

That Old Frank (Film) Magic

This is obviously a bit belated but I wanted this to be perfect.

 

tumblr_nzqc9riaOE1r0dj31o1_500On the 12th December the great Frank Sinatra turned 100. Everyone was jumping on the band wagon by playing his great songs and telling us stories about his less than perfect private life. I’ve actually heard someone say they don’t like the guy now they’ve heard some of the sordid tales from his Vegas and married days. Let me assure you these probably are true, there’s lots of other similar tales from friends, family and acquaintances, but this shouldn’t put you off his magnificent work whether it be his song writing, his singing or his acting.

His acting is where we come in. I could spend days talking about his music and his Rat Pack singing days. I could tell you tales of who he inspired, how he was one of the few celebrities of the time who basically needed the press to survive.tumblr_nz9e4vfjJR1r3rmj3o1_500

High Society (1956)

tumblr_nzqppstdLF1sjro13o1_500

Grace Kelly & Frank Sinatra

One of the first films I ever watched that starred Sinatra and, to this day, it is still one of my favourite films. Sinatra stars with Bing Crosby, Grace Kelly and Celeste Holm in this fun musical based on The Philadelphia Story. Sinatra is Mike Connor the journalist who is picked to report on the wedding of socialite Tracy Lord. True love ensues for Connor and Holm’s character, Liz Imbrie, yet it’s fun to watch them get to this point. The film has some great songs, some classic funny moments and an all over light hearted feel.

Anchors Aweigh (1945)

One of the first films Sinatra did with Gene Kelly.tumblr_mg8uq2h4IO1qapcnno1_250 This is a great film where Clarence Doolittle (Sinatra) and Joe Brady (Kelly) are on 4 days shore leave in Hollywood. They go on a musical journey where Joe teaches Clarence to pick up girls and he eventually finds an aspiring actress (Kathryn Grayson) who is the love of his life. There’s a mix of animation with Kelly dancing with Jerry Mouse. There’s some excellent songs and it is a lovely story. You’ve probably heard of another sailor themed film, On The Town, featuring Sinatra and Kelly but this one is well worth a watch too.

Von Ryan’s Express (1965)

tumblr_mx3cqlhmkh1r3mh0to1_400.gifA Sinatra film that everyone should know about and one that’s a bit different to the others he was famous for. A war film in every sense the film is set in WWII and sees a group of allied soldiers try to escape by hijacking a train. Sinatra plays Joseph Ryan who is a US Air Corps pilot and gets taken to a concentration camp after being shot down. Here the film unfolds into a thrilling story of bravery and courage. Sinatra gives one of his best performances in this role. If you’ve read the book you’ll notice a few differences but I think you’ll agree they work perfectly in the film.

Robin and the 7 Hoods (1964)

A true Rat Pack film, maybe not as famous as Ocean’s Eleven but this is still everything that made the Rat Pack films fun and enjoyable to watch. Sinatra truly made this film brilliant with a glittering cast and some memorable songs all done to the storyline of Robin Hood. Sinatra obviously has the leading role of Robbo and sees that fun, adventure and true spirit takes place in the ranks of Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Bing Crosby and Peter Falk. It’s fun to watch while still teaching the meaning of Robin Hood.

tumblr_m0jy8tBQEo1ql4a37o1_500

 

From Here to Eternity (1953)

004_020468.tif

This film basically relaunched Sinatra’s film career and was nominated for and won many awards. It’s based on the book by James Jones and makes for the perfect movie. Sinatra, Montgomery Clift and Burt Lancaster play three US Army soldiers stationed in Hawaii months before Pearl Harbour. They each have their different problems and we learn a great deal about them throughout the film, as well as the jobs they do. Maggio (Sinatra) is a fun character and yet suffers terribly throughout the film. Sinatra, rightly so, won Best Supporting actor at the Oscars for his role.

Guys and Dolls (1955)

Where to start with the film. It’s based on thetumblr_n8aeofHfwt1sjmaqio1_500 Broadway musical but there are some differences most noticeably with there been extra songs written for the film. Sinatra plays gambler Nathan Detroit who’s finding it difficult to find somewhere to hold an illegal crap game because of the police. Then comes in Marlon Brando’s Sky Masterson and they bet on taking a girl out to dinner. Detroit also has to deal with his fiancé of 14 years wanting to tie the knot. The film is very upbeat and has some great romance to it. Sinatra fits the role of Detroit extremely well as if the part was made for him. If you’ve never seen it you’re missing one of the greatest musicals ever.

 

Frank Sinatra made films his own and brought so much emotion and drama to both the big and tv screen it’s a wonder his films aren’t more famous. He’ll always be remembered for his stunning vocals, even in films, but remember the guy won Academy Awards so he definitely did something right somewhere.

tumblr_m966ug46y61qeg3g9o1_500

Late Night Ramblings of a Girl A Year On.

I keep writing this blog post in my head and then I go to tell someone and it’s all gone. Before Jess died a year ago she asked us all to write letters to her or talk to her when we wanted to tell her something. At the time we all thought it was silly to write letters and then after she died it seemed like the perfect thing to do.

I’m putting the letter up as Late Night Ramblings because for all intents and purposes this letter is one long ramble. I’m also putting it up here in the hopes people will relate and get something out of reading it. All your comments on other Late Night posts are supportive and helpful and I think you’re all awesome for it.

Well Jess here we are one year on. One year where I haven’t told you all the good the bad and the ugly. One year where we haven’t cried on each others shoulders or laughed so hard we’ve cried and most importantly one year where we haven’t spent countless hours on Tumblr and watching Disney films while eating as much sugar as we possibly could. What a waste of a year. And yet it doesn’t feel like a year at all.

I honestly thought it would be easier. People have told me it get’s easier and yet now I realise they were bull shitting me. If anything I’ve cried more today than I did when you died. Why can’t shock last forever? It hurts so much knowing you’re not here. Knowing I can’t ring you up and just rant for hours and you’d have a one word answer that solved all my problems. Looking back that answer always seemed to be food related. I miss it all so much! More than anything though I miss you. I miss your smile and your courage. You stared death down so many times and came back to us smiling. We all have our theories about that, Liam still thinks you’re really a vampire. You gave me the strength to apply for new jobs and go to new places, make new friends and learn the halfpipe but you weren’t there to watch. I sometimes think you do cheer me on and it makes me smile and I carry on. You used to laugh when people called you a cheerleader but that’s what you were to us.

You do realise you should still be here right? The doctor told you in the beginning that you had at least a year left. You looked so relieved and happy knowing it could all turn out right. We were happy too knowing we could keep you that much longer. All those plans we made turned to dust in 5 minutes. All your hopes and dreams gone. We promised we’d do some of your wish list but damn it I am not sky diving. Neither am I going hunting for yetis. You must have been on the good pain meds when you wrote this list. You were crazy enough to do it. You were crazy enough to do anything.

You’d be happy knowing how we’ve all grown and you’d probably be dancing at the fact that there’s a fair few of us here today stood at your graveside with letters. The looks we’re getting is amazing. Your Grandma is here with us and she’s even put stamps on her letters to you. She has your sense of humour and it’s quite comforting knowing that the angels that take the post to heaven are stamp collectors.

I miss you but I know it was your time to go. All the good times will stay with me forever and all the bad have changed my outlook on life but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve cried enough for one day and every time I think of you it feels like my heart gets stronger.

Thank you for being my friend. My best friend. Thank you for allowing me to spend those last days and moments with you and thank you for just being there even though I can’t see you anymore.

I hope you’re enjoying your big adventure, Doll. Oh and you’d be vey proud of Poirot’s new found skills. He’s a great wallpaper stripper.

IMG_0021

Late Night Ramblings of a Girl who’s struggling to cope. Again.

tumblr_nu17c5fiNS1uaabhpo1_500

I’ve been doing pretty well with my depression and anxiety. I know I’m doing well because I myself feel brilliant. I feel like a completely different person. In the past 6 months I’ve changed jobs met new colleagues who’ve become friends. Come to like the job I’m doing and actually feel comfortable in what I do. I’ve been offered jobs and had no anxieties about turning them down. It’s been excellent.

Then I lost one of my permanent journalism jobs. Which in turn led to me not having enough money to go for the house I want. I also realised that this time last year i spent every waking, and in some cases every sleeping, hour in a hospital watching my best friend die.

Yeah. In 2 days I turn 25 but in 8 days Jess will have been gone a year.

This is destroying me. I can’t help it and I don’t really want it to stop but it’s making me a completely different person to who I’ve been for the past 6 months. It’s made me feel like a fake because the new friends I have where I work really don’t know anything about me. I’m now anxious all the time that it’ll somehow make them hate me or see me as weak. I’m paranoid that i’ll be watched closely because something might trigger me to be sad.

Monsters

The friend I spoke to about all this isn’t here anymore and I haven’t seen my counsellor in 6 months because silly me thought ‘hey new job, new me. I can totally pull all this off!’ I was so wrong it hurts. I haven’t felt like this in years. Before it’s always felt like something I can snap out of, this feels like it’s here for much longer. Mixing depression, anxiety and heartache together is a stellar combination and one which I don’t think I’ll come out of unscathed. I’m at the point where someone says the wrong thing and I feel like crying. I can’t handle a situation at work and I go all quiet and retreat into my little dark place where no one can hurt me but on the outside I’m basically blank and ignoring you. Not good in a customer based environment.

As it get’s closer to Jess’ anniversary I think I’ll get worse. At the moment I get teary eyed when her favourite songs come on and I’m having 2am conversations with another of our friends. It’s bizarre but it’s how it’s all playing out.

In the end I’m stuck with depression and anxiety. I just wish I had a warning system for when it’s going to strike and how bad it’s going to be because let’s face it thinking everyone is looking at you and you have no idea why isn’t the best way to go about your day.